It's weird about people. They're so desperate to find a superior. And they aren't even picky about it; they'll turn their fates over to the first thing that shows up to replace their momma's tits. Gods, aliens, computers, even each other. Look at their fucking leaders! They pick a man to control the fate of the species because he reminds them of their drunken idiot fathers!

Well, I guess I shouldn't complain. After all, we basically live off their neoteny, don't we. Hell, without this perverse hunger for extra parental figures, there's no need for any kind of civilization at all.

Alright, I'll just tell you the story.

It all starts with this, well, it's not so much a cult, they didn't really put enough work into it for me do give them that credit. Anyway, they're trying to "summon" Cthulhu. Isn't it great the way they say that? I mean, He's the one on pulling the universe across the soup. All the little bastards do is set up a few handholds... fine, tentacleholds. Quit interrupting my rhythm.


Now, this was when I slipped up there, because I wanted a good view of this. They were all just standing around, they didn't even have a sacrifice, and half of them didn't even believe. Well, He didn't even make a portal, He just whipped a few tentacles through the ceremonial circle and dragged about six of them back down until they were over the soup, and he just dropped them. Didn't even take them. Just threw them out like trash. Now, they did sorta ask for it, but it was still the funniest thing I'd seen since the Romans came to Wales. And the rest of their faces! It was priceless.

And that's not even the best part. I was checking out if their webcam had... it's how they see each other naked, alright? Quit slowing me down, I'm at the punch line!

One of them saw me, right? He just stares for awhile, while I'm trying to figure out what's going on back there. After almost a minute of this, he opens his mouth, and after something like that I kinda wanted to know what he wanted to say to me of all Ones.

I was willing him to talk. Just tell me what you're thinking!

And finally...

"Why was Cthulhu blue?"

Dead serious!

And that, friends, is humanity in an easy-to-swallow jelcap.

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