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Inspired by the Simpsons reference of the same name, this sandwich originated as a time-saving device, to see if I could cram all the normal elements of my daily breakfast between two slices of toast (which normally graced the sides of my plate), and by God, it worked. Here's the breakdown:

  • Two Slices of Toast, White: Don't let that whole-wheat khara infect your tastebuds with wholesome goodness. Keep it white, keep it beriberi delicious.
  • Rich Creamery Butter: Slather it on anyway, till that toast is soggy. That's how you know it's ready for you.
  • Six slices of bacon, cooked well: Soggy bacon, regrettably, is difficult to cut through in sandwich form. Better to make it crispy, salty and delicious, so that it may be cut in dedicated triangular wedges, the way your mom never would.
  • Ham: Needs little introduction. If it's in your fridge, toss it in a bacon-grease-bedecked frying pan for a bit. If you're too lazy, toss it on there, cold. Can't go wrong with ham.
  • One Sausage: The physics of sausages makes it difficult for them to remain stationary on a flat plane of toast for any given time. Slice them first, then load them on. If this, with the bacon and ham, is too much meat, then you can leave it off. This time.
  • Melty delicious American cheese: One slice per piece of toast; any less, and Kraft will be mad at you. Plus, the melted chemical cheese-like synthetic product acts as its own condiment, and helps wash the whole greasy load down your gullet. *ahem* Anyway...
  • Sliced Tomato, Sliced Onion: This represents your federally-mandated vegetable serving for the day. Plus it's nice to get a crunch of juice in your mouth that isn't grease-based.
  • And we top it off with a fried egg: F-ing right we do. Fry it up, sunny-side up, over easy, well done, any way you like it, and drop it on top of everything else.

Slather each piece of toast with mayo, slam the last slice on top of the breakfast pile (push it down, so that the grease squirts out the sides), and cut it into two triangular slices. Enjoy with black coffee. WARNING halfway through your second wedge, you will experience what is known in the business as a "McBrick" (a term coined, or at least popularized by Morgan Spurlock in the movie Super Size Me). This is the sensation of suddenly having a compressed, greasy food-like substance expanding into your GI tract; and rather than feeling full, you feel sick and ready to vomit.

YOU JUST GOTTA FORCE IT. Do not give up, that is not the American Way. Look at that remaining half-wedge of Good Morning Sandwich as a flag-burning infidel and devour it, and enjoy it. You worked hard for that $2.99 package of bacon, are you going to let that sweat and blood be spilled for naught??? You sure are the FUCK NOT. And it's delicious. Why not?

In all seriousness, this is a great breakfast if you like to be full to the brim. It involves the exact same preparation time as bacon & eggs, and the added mobile element of putting it between your toast means you can eat it on the go, in the car, or even while showering, for maximum time savings. I would suggest that balancing this off with a salad for lunch is prudent; but if you're a hard-working blue-collar bloke with filthy hands and a ravenous appetite, this may be the only breakfast for you. Make no mistake, it tastes delicious. Try it one day, and see for yourself.

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