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"It's ok. He doesn't bite. He doesn't have a harmful bone in his body. He's really good natured."

This is the line most commonly heard being said by people who own dogs the size of horses. These dog owners are in complete denial that they own fierce creatures that are more than capable of mauling and destroying humans.

Being someone who was born with a natural phobia of dogs, despite never being bitten or having an unpleasant run in as a child, big dogs pose a problem. The problem used to be all dogs, but after spending a summer at a friends place, who happened to own a little Bichon Frise, the phobia became limited to only big dogs. The fact that I was later attacked, but not harmed, by a viscious guard dog belonging to my roommate did not help the matter.

At my office, one of the employees regularly brings in her dog. The dog is a West Highland Terrier, a small white dog that is really cute and playful. No phobia, no problem. Last week, another employee decided to bring in her dog, a mutt the size of a brontosaurus. A loud dog, with big shiny fuck-off teeth, and a bark capable of making a grown man wet himself.

As I was making my way across the office to the water cooler, I see this dog tied to a chair. This dog, being over 140 lbs and taller than me when it gets on its hind legs, came towards me, easily dragging the chair it was tied to, and scarring the hell out of me. It jumped and leaned on my chest, digging its claws into me, and making my life flash before my eyes. Then came the words...

"Don't worry, he doesn't bite. He doesn't have a harmful bone in his body."

I have now vowed to shoot the next person who uses this line in my presence.

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