I don't have the
energy for
crushes anymore.
I used to
thrive on it,
the
sweet joy of hearing
that
he said something nice about me,
the way my
heart would
race
when I saw him at his
locker,
finally,
after walking by it 20 times.
And yes,
even the
pain of seeing him
smile at another
girl,
oh I would
cry my eyes out,
but even in that I could
revel
in how
deep my love was.
(Usually for someone i barely knew,
but upon whom I had transferred
all of my hope and fantasy.)
Now it's
different.
After being
single
(and loving it)
I let myself
fall.
I indulged in a
willing suspension of disbelief,
telling myself that I could take it,
because I had accepted that
no love is forever,
but a
summer fling
can be a beautiful
escape from reality
for a time.
But
hurting isn't fun anymore
and
I am going home
to
winter.