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When I was 16 I fell in love for real. My boyfriend was the only child of Old World Czech parents. Very traditional, conservative. Amazing accents.... they'd learned English in Australia as refugees after WWII. But at this point, I only knew them as voices on the phone when I'd call. They screened all the calls, they'd lecture if I called too late or too often. I developed quite a phobia about phoning over there.

During finals week, school let out early, around noon. He lived nearby the High School, so we decided to take advantage of the time his folks would both be at work by hightailing it over to his place for a romp. Horny teenagers that we were, we barely took time to undress. In fact, I was wearing denim overalls, and just dropped them to the floor, leaving only my black hightops and socks on.

Hard at it in bed, sneakered feet in the air, I can still see the fluttery leaf patterns in sunlight on the wallpaper, then, footsteps right outside the door. It squeaked open. Thinking it was a friend, he called out, "Hey! Just a minute here!"

And his mom replied, in that thick Czech accent I knew from the phone, "Yes! Just von minute! Just von minute and I vant you both dressed and out here in this room!" Oh yep, she'd come home early.

I was ready with all my 70s sobriquets of birth control and openness. She countered with cleanliness and morality, and did my mother know where I was. I was unprepared for this tack, and retreated in 16 year old chagrin. I did marry him eventually, but that's another story. I should have taken a cue from this meeting with my Mother in Law, and kept on running.

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