Scenario 1:
The girl admits that she really likes you, enjoys spending time with you, then gently kisses you.

VERDICT: She likes you.

Scenario 2:
Girl calls you obscene names such as 'Butt fucker', and at every chance she gets throws potentially injuring objects at you. The girl snickers int of you with her friends that you smell, and that she would rather have sex with a piece of splintered balsa wood than with you.

VERDICT: She's in denial. Persue the relationship until she finally gives in to you.

Scenario 3:
You ask a friend of hers if she likes you. Her friend walks away laughing hysterically. You call her on the telephone that night to ask her what was so funny, but you don't hear her responshter. You then phone another friend; same response.

VERDICT: Her friends don't like you, but she still does. Pursue!

Scenario 4:
You write her a poem about what you would like to do to her. She shows her dad and he comes around and tries to bash you.

VERDICT: Her dad's over protective of his daughter, especially when she talks about boys she likes (which must be you).

Scenario 5:
You're sitting around smoking with some friends one Friday night, and a FOAan't wait to get you drunk.

VERDICT: Okay, the girl likes you. There's one problem: She's probably ugly. Now, depending on how desperate you are you have two courses of action.
1) Try to avoid all alcohol that night, especially drinks she makes.
Or 2) Drink everything you can find. Tell her you love strong drinks; drink everything she gives you. You'll drink so much that she'll suddenly be very attractive.

Scenario 6:
The girl is dead.

VERDICT: You might actually have a chance. (See "Dead Women Never Say No", "Necrophilia", "The Secret Life Of Hillary Clinton", etc.

More to come.

The contents of this node are completely fictional and are intended to be humourous, not a life aid. Good luck.

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