I'm sorry

No I'm not. Well, actually, yes I am.

"I'm sorry" is a phrase you use in English for apologizing. Unless you don't mean it - then it's just one empty contraction and one empty five-letter word.

But I really am sorry. Read my contrition.

An alternate use, in a different context, is an abbreviation of sorts for "I'm a sorry ass", which, while true here, is not what I'm aiming at. This is just a garden-variety apology.

Also a hit song by 1950s singing prodigy Brenda Lee.

Before you say "I'm sorry," ask yourself:

• Do you realize what you did was wrong?
• Are you remorseful that you did it?
• Do you realize you have hurt or offended someone by your actions?
• Will you strive never to do it again?

If you can answer "yes" to all four, then you are truly sorry. You might even consider enumerating these points to the person to whom you want to say "I'm sorry."

I'm sorry
for what we did.

I'm sorry
for what we didn't

but by God

I'm sorry
for not being able to
pay you
back.

-- Unknown Schutzstaffel (SS) Officer, May 14 1945 on the night prior to his execution.
Written in his cell, found in his stiffened hand.

Title: I'm Sorry
Publisher/Developer: Coreland/Sega
Year: 1985
Platform: Arcade
Genre: Action

Story
"Story?" you may ask. "Since when do arcade games from the early eighties have a plot?" Well, this one doesn't, but the story behind it is pretty interesting. In a fine example of Japanese satire, this game spoofs the plutocratic reign of former Japanese prime minister Kakuei Tanaka. The title of the game is in fact a trans-lingual pun, since "sorry" sounds like "sori", the Japanese word for Prime Minister.

Gameplay
Players take control of a big-headed caricature of Minister Tanaka, wandering through various upscale locales while collecting gold bars and punching out enemies who want to capture and humiliate Tanaka in various bizzare ways (including making him a BDSM gimp, much to the mixed confusion and amusement of gaijin who play the game). So basically, it's a Pac-Man clone with punch and jump buttons. Enemies include such eclectic celebrities as Japanese comedian Tamori, track and field runner Carl Lewis, pop star Michael Jackson, and professional wrestler Giant Baba, as well as statues of Tanaka that come to life for no apparent reason.

My Thoughts
This is a pretty weird game, I'll admit, though not entirely inaccessible to non-Japanese players. You're more likely to play this game with MAME than in an arcade, though. And you'll probably play it once or twice for the sheer weirdness, and forget about it.