Remember Push-Pops? They were those ice cream and sherbet treats that came in a tube. You'd pull open the top of the tube and push a small disc through the tube, thereby pushing the sugary goodness out of the top of the whole assembly. Now, imagine that instead of ice cream there was piping hot scrambled eggs inside the tube. Sound good? Well, somebody thought it did because in October 1999 Breakaway Foods of Columbus, Ohio and Amoco mini-marts began selling IncrEdibles, the breakfast/snack conveinience food in a push tube.

Here's how it works: the frozen eggs come in a cardboard tube much like the fabled ice cream of yore. Simply thaw the tube, microwave it for two minutes or so, push, and eat. Varieties include scrambled egg with cheese; scrambled egg with cheese and sausage or bacon; macaroni and cheese; chili mac; macaroni and cheese with broccoli; and pasta with tomato sauce. The prime ingredients are, logically enough, rotini pasta, semolina flour, eggs, and cheese. The varieties contain about 160 calories and 4.5g of fat per serving.

"Here's the press-kit logic that led to the invention of these plastic-encased goodies: "Macaroni and cheese and scrambled eggs are two of America's best-loved meals. But until now, both were unavailable in a portable form." Imagine the brains behind IncrEdibles, feverishly working in a makeshift basement laboratory, musing, "If only there was a way to eat scrambled eggs and sausage while vacuuming or operating a remote control. Think, damn it, think!" from Orlando Business Journal, January 31, 2000

It might have sounded good on paper, but somehow the whole IncrEdibles concept falls apart in practice. Thin plastic cannot contain molten cheese, causing the slop to spill everywhere and singe everything. The center of the pillar of food tends to remain cold, while the outer edges becoming overcooked and searingly hot. But then again, what does one expect for $2.00 from a gas station?

Uncle John's Bathroom Reader

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