display | more...

Is anyone here a civil rights attorney? Lemme splain.

I was moved to a maximum security federal prison yesterday after I used my X-Man type hand to take out (allegedly "murder" but COME ON!) four guards and six prisoners where I was being held (mud shack type jail common in North Dakota). I authorized the authorities to take money out of my frozen accounts to pay for their funeral costs. And that should have been the and of it. There is nothing wrong with allegedly "murdering" someone provided you pay their funeral costs. End of story. I don't understand why people are making such a big deal of it.

Anyway, I have had NO TRIAL and they cut off my X-Man type hand with a BONESAW and replaced it with this awful rubbery thing that is very creepy. I DO NOT LIKE.

On the good side, some people who called themselves the Aryan Brotherhood came after me on my first night, but then I informed them of my history and how I, a sexually aggressive ninety-year-old man, is the product of experiments conducted by the German government in the late 1930s and early 1940s. They were pleased with this (not so much with the rubbery hand however) and admitted me into their social club and designated me an "untouchable VIP." So, I have that going for me.

Anyway, if you are a civil rights attorney, please contact someone about my situation. I am being mistreated by a miscarriage of justice. Help your Friend Behr, who has always been good friend to you. Contact a civil rights lawyer for me unless you are one yourself.

Thank you,

Friend Behr

Log in or register to write something here or to contact authors.