Many years ago, your close personal "bosom buddy" friend Behr (me) was working on what would be my third New York Times bestseller, Potsie, which was a musical tribute to the talented actor (whose name I do not know) who played Potsie on the wholesome television reality show, Happy Days, when I went down to the beach at the resort I was staying at with my billions made from business ventures, writing bestselling novels, selling short stories to magazines like Totally Nude Man's Magazine for Men for seven figures apiece (it was the 1980s), and starting business enterprises. There I saw something in the water and went down to investigate. I was wearing extremely tight Speedo type bathing suit with pictures of Dorothy Hamill on them. When I ordered them I thought they were pictures of Mark Hamill who was in one of the movies I enjoyed at the time, the long forgotten cult classic Star Wars, which was a movie from the 1970s about space and space aliens. Later on we would find out lobsters evolved into naval commanders, but that was in an even lesser well known (and very hard to find) sequel. It is not palatable to a modern audience due to PC culture and how long forgotten cult classic Star Wars gave the finger to PC culture in the biggest way possible in every single minute of the movie and its hard to find sequel. You wouldn't understand. You are too young.
The reason I bring this up in accordance with this anecdore from the 1970s is because what I found on the beach that day while writing Potsie was a space alien like the ones in that old movie. This one was in a suit like the men on television in the news during the moon landing in 1962 (details in the sixty-eighth volume of The Anals of History, sign up for the 84 volume set which now includes the extra volume, The Annex of the Anals of History at no extra cost).
I got the suit off to have a look at the meat inside the suit, hoping it wasn't going to be an insect styled alien because those are gross and definitely not anything you want to achieve intimacy with. I wanted an alien made out of flesh that was maleable like ours is, and once I got that big puffy suit off, I found what looked a lot like a regular Earth man but the skin was gray and started coming apart at my touch. There wasn't much time, so I got off all its scraps of clothing and leaned him over a beach rock. His butt cheeks came completely apart in my hand, but I held them together like meat maracas as I got my genitals out. There was excellent stiffness, so I held the alien bum cheeks together in my hand as liquids poured out of the alien and pushed my penis between the maracas. This alien was made out of something unusual and definitely not human. Its flesh and meat were coming off the bone and just falling apart. Luckily, it only took me two minutes to climax that day as I was younger and I had not yet purposely ripped open my scrotal sack countless times to play games with the goodies inside.
This I did so that I could go on confrontational talk shows in the 1990s and tell my story to a television audience and have fat women threaten to kill me for not paying child support while the audience screamed that the baby looked just like me. Those were days.
I hope you learned something here today. New learnings are available 34/8 around these parts.