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Today after work I went over to my mom's to work on my resume. Even though I paid for a service to do one for me, I thought that this was something I could do while I was waiting for them, and despite how tired and irritable I am, I'm really glad that I did. Working has given me more self confidence than I had. Previously I was ashamed of how spotty my resume was. It seemed as if I was the only person who had a streaky history of many low paying jobs in a variety of industries, many prospective and former employers ask me why I've had so many jobs as if their organization is completely free from drama, or has no issues with turnover. I think one thing that really helped is the amount of writing I do on a daily basis. Even something like writing about my days is good because writing as a craft builds on itself. 

I sent my new and improved resume to my recruiter and received an email notification that he is out of town until Friday. I think he'll be impressed with the changes, and I don't think I'll have a problem getting better jobs going forward. This past job has hammered home the critical importance of trusting my gut. From the moment I walked into that place I felt uneasy, and it wasn't just because I was nervous because I've been on many interviews (understatement) in my life, and I don't even know how many this past year. I'm actually still amazed that I've kept this job for as long as I have because it's not a good fit and I seem to be the only person who fully understands how dysfunctional the interpersonal dynamics are there. Today I got into some minor trouble for not using alerts in the software that we have. It's not a big deal to me, but apparently is to them. That's not how my brain works, but now I'll be wasting more time doing this going forward.

In a way, I can't wait to leave that place. It's just not right for me. I feel good about the job my friend sent me, but they would require a background check which means disclosing the fact that I was fired from a previous job. It's not that big of a deal, some days I don't even think about it. Years ago I had an anatomy teacher who said that the first thing he checks for is internal logic within essays. That's stuck with me, and I finally was able to see the logic behind applying that to my resume. Now, I look great on paper, but it's really because I have the confidence and self esteem to write about why I'm an amazing asset to whatever organization looks at me online. Obviously I'm not perfect, but I tied past jobs into current accomplishments, and I think I have something that makes me stand out as a candidate. Whatever happens, I'm proud of myself. For staying at this job, for refusing to settle, for writing like I do, just for being me. It's pretty cool and I hope I always feel this way.

Xoxo,

J

P.S. I almost didn't write this today, but I want to get back into the habit of writing something personal every single day.

I saw deer today, slow and close. 

We don't got a lotta deer here in the Berdoos, enough to see some once or twice a year if'n you're out in the foothills a lot. I'm somewhere in the hills for a least a while nearly 100 days a year. We glimpse them occasionally while driving up dirt road 2N40 on test fly days. Hindquarters disappearing behind a bush on a nearly vertical slope or a pair rounding a corner and bounding aside. I'll see one or two whille hang gliding, but not every year, even. There are so few that I don't know whether to sneer at, laugh at, or pity the groups of deer hunters we see every October. I see more hunters in a month than deer in a year by a factor in the range of 6 to 10.

These deer were different.

I was driving down from the Crestline Glider Launch on the paved road along the ridge through the houses past the church at the 5-way intersection where you do a near-uey to take the shortcut to 138 and bypass Top Town. The deer, doe and fawn, were crossing the intersection from the NE side, having traversed the little hilltop cluster of homes where I lived briefly a dec and a half ago.  The mama led the fawn at a stately pace across my bow and even down my target road for a few feet before opting for the skinny wedge of dirt and pine needles that got wider a ways ahead.

Graceful animal, lots of shoulder muscles.

A little bafflled-looking.

That's going around.

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