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Has your mother ever set you up with one of her friend’s offspring? Do you frequently get phone calls from your mom telling you that you REALLY should take so-and-so’s daughter out for dinner and a movie because she seems like such a nice girl? If so, you are unwittingly being used by a secret organization of mothers that YOUR mother is a member of. To what end? Why no less than genetic manipulation by selective breeding and forced broccoli consumption to create . . . the SUPER GRANDCHILD.

My sources say that this organization is several generations away from achieving their goal, but they must be stopped now. Be the master of your own destiny by choosing your own mate, unless you want to hear your mother and mother-in-law say, “Now that the baby is here you’ll be seeing much, much more of me.”

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