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We went there every year; we meaning my sister, mother and me. The "summer school" is a kind of a religious event, a meeting of Bahá'is from all over Austria, sometime in midst of August. It was the summer I turned fourteen, I reckon, and about the time I started showing serious interest in girls, but of course, I was much too shy to attempt contact with one.

Since we had been there a couple of times previously, I already had some friends there, and as soon as we had checked into the hotel where the summer school took place, I went out to look for them. It turned out that only one of my friends, Lukas, had already arrived, and we would have a 2-bunk-bed youth room for ourselves until the next day.

The Bahá'í Religion is fairly strict on all things concerning sex and those matter, but that hadn't kept us four boys from secretly watching a cable porn movie the last year. But this year something new was going on:

Sometime in the evening, when I and Lukas had already settled for watching TV all night, two girls sneaked in. After some chit-chat, they decided to stay with us, and we gender-split the bunk-beds. Soon after, the two girls, both 14-year-olds of Persian origin, made their way over in our beds. While the tall, long haired and slim girl leaped up to the upper bunk, the rather short, curl-haired one laid down next to me. I still remember being both excited and anxious about having a girl that close to me, but in retrospective, I didn't really think I had an idea what I was doing, and I hardly even knew the girl. Nothing happened at first, except for us getting closer all the time, but as I felt her body touching mine, I instantly had an erection. Clumsily, I flung myself to her and softly poked it into her ass. She didn't react at all, and I repeated it a couple of times. I somehow must have felt that she wouldn't be disgusted, otherwise I would have never dared to do so. She started giving in and followed my move, even though it didn't give her any pleasure. Soon afterward, I had a very faint orgasm. Meanwhile, the other couple had given each other some massages, and I thought they had started some explorations of their own. The girl in my bed then turned around, and faced me. I can't remember what happened next, except for her hands leading me to her boobs, and some very wet and toungy kisses. Then finally, I started feeling a bit adventurous, and whispered sweet things to her, while my fingers went down her belly, waist, under her pyjama, and under her undoes. Slowly I moved over her pubic hair, that seemed to go on forever, and waited for her to cry out that I should stop, but she just murmured, and reached her vagina, moved my fingers around it, and penetrated it with my middle finger. I drove it around inside like a child digging a whole in the sand, and asked her if I had now deflowered her. She declined, and whispering me told me where to find her hymen, and more importandly, her clitoris. I, not being able to grasp her interior anatomy, tried to satisfy her while being quite aroused myself. My attempt seemed to fail, but I was to shy to ask, and some time late I just gave up and withdrew. I was quite relieved when she the attempted to masturbate me, and failed ludicrously. After some more groping, she asked me if she should get a condom, and I - being confused already - declined. Now and then, a head would pop down from the upper bunk, asking what we were doing, and we told them: nothing. I then transferred to the opposite, uninhabited side of the room, and soon after, the girls left.

Afterwards, I crawled up to Lukas, and asked him what they had been doing up there, and he answered, in a perfectly innocent voice that they had massaged themselves, not more, not less, and replied the question. I stumbled, grasped for air, and then told him - a little proud of my discovery - that my middle finger had entered a new, hidden world, and told him about my sexual pleasures. But he reacted totally different than I expected, looking at me in disbelieve, and the conversation quickly faded. After all, his parent where zealots who preached the Bahá'í values to their kids, so you could expect him to be that way (although he rebelled against them all the time).

The next day proved to be a nightmare. Another friend of us arrived, and although I had asked Lukas repeatedly to shut up about it, he told him. They, constituting themselves as moral majority, quickly decided that my deed had been a sin, and tortured me with telling everyone. I tried to stay calm and retreated to other parts of the hotel, but kept popping back to them to see if they had already forgotten it. On the third day of the Bahá'í-summer school, they found me at some of my hide outs while I was reading some obscure sci-fi novel that had been quite a comfort, and took me for a walk. They confronted me with what I did ("you FUCKED her"), gave me the feeling I had done something evil, and I started feeling bad bad bad, but then Lukas, cocky as a young teen can be, told me he would tell everyone, and I got into a terrible rage, told them that I had done nothing wrong, yelled, and started hitting Lukas really hard. The other boy tried to interfere, and called me mad, but for three minutes, nothing could stop my outbreak. Then finally I got tired of it and withdrew, and we returned to the hotel separately. From then on, I spent the days mostly alone and only talked to very few people. The two boys didn't give away my secret, but I felt guilt-ridden and really shitty. My only re-encounter with the girl had been on the second day, when she and her friend came by and her friend asked me secretly if there was any chance my semen could have reached her crotch, as she was fearing pregnant. I told her no, and was so devasted about the mere possibility of it, that I spoke with her never again.

The last day ended my misery, but the ceremony of departure was one of the worst things I ever experienced. I felt like everyone was staring at me, and I pretended like I was happy and cheering, while I was really afraid that my secret would be torn apart in the last minute of public attention Lukas could get. The lunch meal on the day of departure was sheer hell, with all youth sitting around a table and one who wouldn't shut up and giving little teasers of what I possibly could have done on the first night. Three hours later me and my family left, and I was still a bit scared, but gladly reliefed. For the next couple of months, I gave up regular masturbation, and for the next years had a very distorted, sick view on sexuality. That incident also ultimately drove me away from Bahá'í faith and any form of organized religion. And it did change me, yes...

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