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The suburb I live in is pretty old, so we have many streets that aren't very wide. This problem is aggravated by the fact that most people who live on these streets park in them, taking a thin 2 lane down to a wide 1 lane. My city is also the home of the Ford Motor Company, so our roads are flooded with Excursions, Expeditions, Explorers, Navigators, Mountaineers, and the soon to be released Lincoln Blackwoods and Ford Escapes. Two normal vehicles can still pass each other on these aforementioned lanes, albeit tightly, but when you throw an SUV in the mix, no passing, someone has to back up.

I drive a rather small car, no match for an SUV of any size, let alone the house-sized Excursion, so I have to keep my wits about me when I come to a situation like this. Here I will tell you how to play chicken with an SUV and win:

1) Always look the other driver in the eyes. If you're a young male this works really well because any one over thirty has a fear of youth, especially since our generation seems to be one of the most violent yet. 2) Make it clear that you're staying right where you are by shaking your head or waving your arms. 3) Drive as far as you possibly can once the other driver has stopped. This will bring you from a point where it was easy for you to back up to a point where reversing is not an option (theoretically).

Keep in mind a head-on collision will kill you if you're going over 30mph and not driving a tank, so avoid charging. Also try not to yell, this could lead to a beating on someone's part, and then it won't really matter who backs up.

I hope this helps everybody who is sick of assholes in SUVs playing king of the road. Remember: A man who drives an SUV and has no need for the extra room or the elevated ground clearance is probably a filthy commie.

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