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Hold on, I'm going to get my bag... There we go.

I'm starting this node or writeup as a writing in the margin of my math notebook. I've yet to even join E2, although I remember seeing the node every poet is a cannibal, every artist is a thief years ago*. I wonder if anyone in this Finnish classroom is a part of the old (Or so I've understood) website that is Everything and a pair. Most likely not.

I do not write fast enough. I have too much to say in this strange stream of pseudo-consciousness, yet so little time while writing up the homework I didn't do. I miss most of them, although it wasn't my fault. Every day, I wonder if I am good enough to be in the Finnish equivalent of advanced math or, hell, upper secondary school in general... Moreso than that fratboy. I have changed to a paper ripped out of my English notebook now. Along with that, the subject has changed. The teacher remembers me from two years ago as some kind of juvenile delinquent, which is strange because I have a wide reputation as a nice kid. I don't consider myself worthy enough for the title. In any case, I need an ego boost. Maybe I'm joining E2 for them (Doesn't seem like a place for them - better that way). Even the girl in front of me reminds me of my nice guy complex. But let's cut that before this writeup goes to hell. In any case, at this point, writing is therapy.

Fast forward. It is at least 4 days later, and I'm really writing this up. I'm lucky to have read something and think that maybe... In fact, probably, for my own mental safety (Remember, kids, somebody calling you names on the Internet is an acceptable reason to become depressed!), I should not move this away from my Scratch Pad. It's a GTKY, after all. I wonder how it came to that, because I rarely introduce myself on forums and let my posts speak for themselves. Not to say that E2 would be one. Screw it. Scratch this writeup and let me begin a proper one somewhere else. Isn't this what my home node was for?

* Seeing that it was made under two years ago, make that a year.**
** I AM BLIND!
Props to/attribute partner in crime to The Debutante regarding this node.

Giving is fun!

(Or how to wind people up while being nice to them.)

I like to use my cunning for good, if I were a politician you would all be in a lot of trouble, but as it is I pour my surplus guile into buying presents instead.

It’s my Mum’s birthday coming up she's getting into watercolour painting so we both signed up to an evening class. I already have watercolour paints and a bare minimum of brushes but she is a total rookie and so she needs all new equipment.

Now an ordinary person would have just gone and bought her some paints and brushes and called it a day. Not me.

On Friday I secretly went into town and bought the most rum-tum-tiddly watercolours I could find. Hardwood case, masking fluid, 16 paints, five brushes the total works.
Then I added some water bottles a wash-brush (huge and flat) a painting guide a pad of 300gsm paper. Basically the works and a bit.

On the same day I ordered my Mum some flowers on behalf of my Dad (who lives and works in an office in Tokyo, and so he obviously has no access to the internet at all, or so he tells me). I ordered her favourite: lilies and roses.

But to give me an opportunity to use a particularly delightful subterfuge; I ordered them to come a day early.

When they arrived this morning I feigned panic. Sensing my distress she assumed that I’d forgotten her birthday. I had forgotten Mother’s Day earlier this year after all.
When I mock-anxiously brought up the topic of needing brushes for the watercolour course it imparted the idea that a trip into town would be a good idea.


The art shop was the most fun I’d had in a long time. On the other hand I don’t think my Mum’s ever had such a traumatic shopping experience.

To put it into perspective she has been planning this course for ages and is probably the first opportunity she’s had to do something creative for 30 years; and there I was stepping on all her choices.

I could say "ooh no, that looks too expensive, go for this one", safe in the knowledge that I would be using that cheep brush because it will be so comprehensively out classed by the £50 Winsor Newton box set I’d put together.

I actually managed to make her say the words:

"you’re spoiling the whole watercolour thing for me".

It was beautiful.

She probably couldn’t wait to be alone when she sent me off to get on with "my own shopping". "My own shopping" being the usual code for buying her a present in private.

Luckily for me Huddersfield is in the middle of its annual Real Ale festival. The Rat and Ratchet has a nationwide reputation for excellent British beers and over 50 were on tap today.

I’d made my way through 8 halves before I got a phone call asking where I was, I slurred that I’d just popped into a pub and hadn’t done any shopping yet.
If death-stares could be transmitted over the airwaves, I think my ear would have frost bite.


So just to re-cap, my Mum thinks I’ve forgotten her birthday, dragged her into town to buy a present, manipulated her into buying sub-standard quality brushes and sharing second hand paints, then buggered off and got stinking drunk instead of buying her a gift.

Whereas in reality I’ve put a lot of effort into purchasing two thoughtful gifts and I’ve had the added benefit of orchestrating a ruse around the occasion so that I could get blind drunk at a beer festival and still come out looking good!

Oh and I got a new set of brushes out of the deal.

Is there an emoticon for smug?


Addendum: Right now, as I type, my Mum is shouting at me. I think I might have gone a bit too far. Quite frankly the whole “lets see how much crap I can get myself into” mixed with “woo-hoo! I can get drunk and it makes me look good!” have culminated in partial if not total disaster. I’ll let you know how this all pans out


Just to let you know, I came down stairs this morning and had a silent bacon sandwich for breakfast. Afterwards I broke the ice with “some post came for you”. Of course I’d hidden her cards for the last week, I’m not an amateur at this. When she was half way through her last card I walked in with the whole shebang.

She was over the moon and we have just spent the last three hours outside painting. She’s actually really quite good at watercolour, I think her very first one is a keeper!

When I reminded her that yesterday she had said “you’re spoiling the whole watercolour thing for me” she laughed a lot.
All’s well that ends well, that’s what I always say!

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