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Why buy a Ph.D.?

if you are not the literary genius you think you are, and are unable to earn yourself a PhD or have no real desire to be a poor college student, Then there is another way you could try.

However, this option is indeed the Dark Side.

Do you need a one?
The first question you must ask yourself is "Do I need a Ph.D.?" This is one of the most important issues you must face. Why do you want one? Do you have a school reunion to go to soon? Are you having difficulty making friends at the Golf Club? Does your Wife not respect you? You might be getting stopped for speeding a lot! or you are having difficulty getting a loan? There can be a thousand reasons why you might want a Ph.D., and a million reasons why you can't have one. As long as you're happy with your reason for needing one without actually earning one.

I want one now!
Due to taking many years of hard work and dedication to earn such an accolade, the second question might be "I want my Degree by next Thursday. Do I have time to earn one?" Well, in all honestly, no. As I said it takes along time of very hard work to earn a degree if you want to earn it, you need to give yourself time to do it. However, do not allow this node to put off any of the Doogie Howser's and Sam Beckett's out there who may want to try!

Can you live with yourself?
The third question and very likely to be the most in important is "Can I live with myself by buying a PhD rather than earning it?" There are many issues involved with this one. You might know someone with a real Ph.D., and might feel guilty about lessening his/hers achievements! If your main thought on this is "If I throw my Mother in with the deal, do I get a second one free?" Then you may not have any qualms about buying on. On the other hand, you may indeed have the knowledge and experience to justify a PhD, but never had the opportunity to make good this talent! Its a tough one, The short answer is "NO" You didn't get by legitimate means, so its wrong.

A Ph.D, in what?
The next issue you will face is "What shall I be a Ph.D. in?" There is indeed a large choice, it does of course vary which University you buy it from. You might want to be a Doctor of Philosophy, but what if you don't you feel that academic intelligence is better than life intelligence, you could have difficulty pulling that off. A favourite of mine is Marine Defence Strategy. Always a good conversation piece. On the other hand you may indeed feel that you should stick to something simple, like Astrophysics or Theoretical Physics etc. Make sure you are happy with what you have chosen, because once you have it, it could take up to two weeks to get another Ph.D.!! The other thing to remember is, Don't bother applying for a job at NASA they won't take you!

Are you a complete Scum bag?
Of course with the advent of the dodgy University with its scheming and amoral accreditation agency, how do you know who has a real one and who is a fraud. Well, you don't. Unless you have some influence with a higher authority you will have a tough time in weeding out the less honest folk. This is indeed a tragedy as you shouldn't be able to get away with such things, but that's life.

You must also think about this, no matter how many people are convinced you really are a Ph.D., YOU will always know you're not!


Oh, in a completely unrelated matter, just a note that might be of interest. I am now eligible to be known as Dr Wayland.

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