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I learned more than I cared to know about squish videos when a new member of my household arrived.

My friend and roommate J attends a local university. He met a woman there, in the school's main library, whom he described as "ghetto-ass black". I'm afraid I don't know what the context of the conversation was, but she, at some point, informed him that she made crush videos (sic). J didn't know what that meant, but being the geek he is, he looked it up on the web and was informed within a few minutes. J spotted the woman leaving the library, and followed her, intending to tell her what a sick fuck she was. Alas, she reached her car, got some books, and walked off before J got the chance. Well, J took a look into her car, and spotted such items as a leather whip and a pair of stiletto heels, along with a shoebox with some small holes punched in it.

J, being pretty good at math, J put two and two together. The window of the car was partially down, so he reached in, unlocked it, and grabbed the shoebox. Inside was a cute little gray rat. Coincidentally, J already had two rats back here at the apartment. They make excellent pets.

Anyway, J started to exit the scene, but his activities had been noticed by a big frat guy. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" asked the frat guy. So J told him. The frat guy then proceeded to key the car. "What do you think I should key into it?" he asked J.

"How about, 'Kill yourself with a stiletto heel.'"

J participated no further in the vandalism. He took the rat to a vet's office, where the lucky rodent was given some shots for malnutrition and vaccinations. The bill would have been about $70(!) but they felt sorry for J and dropped it down to $40.

Splinter now has a permanent home here and is getting along well with Turd Factory and Chunk. I have been educated about squish videos and crush videos.

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