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As I walked into the local hair place today, I noticed an elderly woman walking out. She wore a smile and wished me good Christmas tidings. I noticed the staff then, two gentlemen, staring after her with a kind of bewildered look. I proceeded to have a shampoo and was describing the style I wanted when one of the barbers says,
"I just can't believe that old woman drowning those squirrels like that."
I kind of looked up at that and was treated to a recounting of what this eighty-five year old woman had apparently told them. She had three squirrels living in her attic and had become concerned that they were going to somehow eat the wiring up there and perhaps burn the house down. So she managed to catch them and as she described it, baptized them. Which is to say, she drowned them.

Now I was somewhat shocked by this, as I think was everyone else, so my barber changed the subject by telling a story of how he was once bit through the fingernail by a squirrel.
One comment I remember quite clearly was, "Well if they can crack a nut like they do, I guess a fingernail's not that hard".
His counterpart's reaction started a diatribe I'm not likely ever to forget. He says, "The squirrel cracked your nuts?"

The conversation degraded at that point into talk of cats attacking your nuts and then dogs attacking your nuts (this actually happened to one of them supposedly).
Meanwhile, myself and the other patrons in the place were looking at each other uncertainly.

After a few more minutes the talk was of how someone one of then knew had managed to get hoof marks on his back from being assaulted by a calf. One of the patrons then remarked that he once had a dog that used to hump pillows.

The other barber then told a story of a doberman he once had that had freaked his entire family out in the middle of the night by moaning and wailing. They thought someone had gotten in the house and was attacking the dog. When the barber investigated, however, he was greeted by the sight of the dog going to town on his kid's Barney doll, the dog wailing in ecstacy and Barney singing, "I love you, you love me..."

Aside from the inappropriateness of much of the talk in the hair place today, I was quite amused. I'm not sure I'll ever go back there again, though...

A man is sitting in the barber chair getting a haircut when a young boy walks in. The barber whispers to the man, "This is the stupidest kid in the world. I'll prove it. I have a little game I play with him every time he comes in."

The barber calls the boy over and holds out both hands. In one hand is a dollar bill, in the other hand is 2 quarters. The barber then asks the boy which he would rather have? The boy takes the 2 quarters and walks out of the barber shop. "See? I told you," said the barber. "That kid is an idiot."

After his haircut, the man walks down the street and sees the boy standing on the corner. He approaches the boy and asks him: "Why did you take the 2 quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy says, "Because the day I take the dollar the game is over."

(True Story)

Once, I was at a barber's in a tiny village, and the old chap's assistant, a teen-aged kid, came into the tiny shop saying he'd found a hundred rupee note on the street.

"Go find the person in the village who doesn't want the money, and give it to him!" quipped the witty old man, establishing a new Barber paradox.

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