Let's make a hypothetical situation. Let's say that you work in the IT field. You spend a lot of time on a computer connected to the Internet reading technical documents. What you would like to be reading is erotica. This is a problem.

Now lets imagine a hypothetical solution to that problem. Let's say you write a program that will get an erotica text file and replace all of the sexual words with technical terms. It could turn every occurrance of 'breast' into 'XML', 'crotch' into 'server', 'suck' into 'validate', and 'penetrate' into, well, I guess that one's ok. The program does this consistently, and you have meanwhile memorized it's dictionary.

Thus, you can read what appears to be some arcane bit of technical writing, and with a little effort and practice translate it in your head into something more adventurous. Over time, your skill at this mental exercise will improve. Eventually, when you read the word 'XML', an image of a breast will come to mind.

The interesting question is: Would you then be able to derive sexual fantasies from real technical documents?

You can easily imagine this completely interfering with your ability to sit through a meeting. Even so, you have not only solved your problem of safely reading erotica at this office, you have dramatically improved your productivity by being turned on by reading real technical writing.

Let me try this... I've taken an excerpt from a story called A Night to Remember by some author named Sbevins (uncopyrighted). Let's see how it comes out, using munificent's advice...

Alex leaned forward and caressed the back of Sue's text file, which felt so smooth through her black silk XML parser. At the last minute Sue had decided to add the Visual Cafe and had to run to the mall for Sun's JDK 1.3 to match it. Alex was clearly enjoying the compiler and it made Sue happy to know she'd made the right decision. Her programs became unsteady when he touched their import statements. His touch was so light, his fingers floating across her F5 button. Feeling her reaction, Alex continued along those lines. Sue moved still closer to him when he touched the allowances of her unix account, then widened her stance when he moved to her pop3 server. She could not help but shake when Alex's fingertips found the hot Linux workstation just above her Pentium III. Sue was keenly aware of how Alex's eyes were riveted to her, studying her every reaction. His one hand dropped to caress her server while the other had disappeared beneath her client-side application. It was so weird to stand there for him, just so he could touch her as he pleased. His hand kept moving teasingly close to the moist juncture between her routers, but Alex merely brushed her there. Sue's breath rasped from her throat. Alex was completely attuned to his IP address, something her husband had not tried in years. It only served to make Sue yearn for Alex all the more.

Sue felt Alex trace a continuous circle over the active connection at the front of her Java-enabled browser, the pressure slowly increasing. She closed her eyes tight and put a hand on Alex's shoulder for support. Her operating system clung to her backup files, plastered there by Alex's pressing fingers. His other hand traveled up the back of Sue's multi-threaded platform then moved around front so he could run his palm over her aching transfer protocol. Simultaneously, Alex pushed aside Sue's file system and opened her slick browser. He caught her http request and http response at the same time, pinching and rubbing.

"Oh Turing," Sue groaned.

Alex kept teasing the two sensitive graphics accelerators until he felt Sue on the brink of debugging, then he eased off. She looked down at him, panting, a quizzical expression on her face. "Raise your thread priority," Alex instructed. Sue did as she was told, gathering her running applications in both hands at her synchronized clock. Sue's eyes focused on his free RAM. She wanted him inside her mainframe computer so badly. Sue thought she would burst if he teased her much longer. Alex pulled Sue closer by her proxy server; so close she could feel his hot breath on her bare web application. He kissed her servlet deeply, which made Sue giggle a bit, while rolling down her scroll bars. She kicked them off and Alex's hungry mouth sought lower. Sue was imported and parsed, ready for him. His lips just barely touched her, his interpreter snaking inside her and Sue was compiling explosively, her runtime output soaking Alex's face and her search engine. He did not relent, instead he grabbed her taut sorting algorithm and pulled her harder against his mouth.

"AlexAlexAlexAlexAlex!!!!!!!!" Sue cried over and over, chanting his name like a mantra while he transported her to a whole new world of pleasure with his monitor configuration. When she could take no more she sagged against Alex and he allowed her to slip into his lap(top).

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