Near Matches
Ignore Exact
Everything
2
Ten Commandments of the Female Ned
(
thing
)
by
everyone
Thu Apr 26 2001 at 6:48:20
Four pairs of
scrunchie
socks must be worn under
joggies
rolled up to
masquerade
as
cropped trousers
.
Hair must be so tightly scraped back from face so that one cannot
blink
. One also must
slather
the hair in various
flammable
hair products
for that solid look.
A plethora of neon baubles must adorn the hair tied into a large
bun
at the base of the neck. Seven or more is standard. Coloured
hair mascara
in a
coordinated
shade to the
tick
on your trainers can be used on special occasions, like the birth of your
pal
's child.
You must
chew gum
like a
cow
possessed by a
goat
.
You must yell like a
harpy
at every man that walks by, and growl like the
hound
that you are at every
respectable female
in the vicinity. Either way, make a
public nuisance
of yourself.
You must carry a
small child
at all times, preferably your own.
You must wear more gold around your neck than a
Mr. T
convention. If it damages your
posture
, all the better.
Neds
have
crooked spine
s; that is the way of the
ned
.
You must
brag
about the number of
sexual act
s you have performed, on the
climbing frame
in the
local park
. If it is less than
ten
per
Friday night
, you must take action to boost your "
Kappa
Slapper
" status.
You must
shoplift
from
Top Shop
.
You must drink
cheap cider
, and
Watermelon
Breezers
. On the
special occasion
s cited above, you may splash out on a quarter bottle of
vodka
.
--
Anon.
NED
Neds
Ode to the Glaesga Ned
Things I Thought I Would Never Hear Myself Say
The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth
Kappa
A view from the bottom of E2
Ten Commandments of the Female Nerd
A spider amongst the bananas, the perils of owning a fruit shop
Aspects of American theology that may be new to you
Powder Metallurgy
Ed Debevic's
Slapper
Mr. T
American Asian food
Bacardi
Chav
Spides
Lutefisk
scrunchie
Not Without My Anus
Head shop
Pointy-Haired Boss
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