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Originally written by a friend for a bulletin board, this nicely summarises the AOL response to posts on usenet. Remember people ... sarcasm


From now on, dear Americans, don't bother with the hard stress of thinking through arguments or stressing yourself out with grammar, punctuation or intelligent conversation.

Just use the "American Usenet Response-O-Matic" and all your bulletin board problems are over!

I am an American

This makes me superior because

You suck because

  • You're British and we've been taught to hate you from our mother's milk onwards. And you have bad teeth.
  • You're not American
  • You are American but you don't love America the way I do
  • you're a fag
  • you think you're superior because I can't think and chew gum at the same time.

Your problem with my country is

  • you're jealous of its success
  • you're jealous of not having our wonderful Capitalist system
  • you're jealous that you can't own a gun and put it on a rack behind your head while your driving a good 'ol American pickup.
  • you've never been here because you're too poor
  • you're jealous of our glorious history starting with genocide and ethnic cleansing, then slavery followed by drugs and guns before ending up with George W. Bush as president.
  • Fuck, America is the only country on the planet, ya hear?

My problem with your country is

  • you're all ugly
  • if it's smaller, it's weaker.
  • if it's bigger, it's weaker as well because it's not America
  • it's too cold
  • it's too hot
  • I don't know where the fuck it is because I can't read a map
  • I don't know, I just hate it. It's easier than thinking.

The problem with you is

  • You don't understand how right I am about everything
  • Humility is for the weak people only
  • you think I'm just a sad and lonely geek
  • just because you can be witty doesn't mean you can insult me, dammit
  • you're not American

You owe us because

You think I'd know better wouldn't you?

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