A song from The Mikado about a shit list.
- As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
- I've got a little list--I've got a little list
- Of society offenders who might well be underground,
- And who never would be missed--who never would be missed!
- There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs--
- All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs--
- All children who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat--
- All persons who in shaking hands, shake hands with you like that--
- And all third persons who on spoiling tête-à-têtes insist--
- They'd none of 'em be missed--they'd none of 'em be missed!
- He's got 'em on the list--he's got 'em on the list;
- And they'll none of 'em be missed--they'll none of 'em be miss'd!
- There's the banjo serenader, and the others of his race,
- And the piano-organist--I've got him on the list!
- And the people who eat peppermint and puff it in your face,
- They never would be miss'd--they never would be miss'd!
- Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,
- All centuries but this, and every country but his own;
- And the lady from the provinces, who dresses like a guy,
- And who "doesn't think she dances, but would rather like to try";
- And that singular anomaly, the lady novelist--
- I don't think she'd be missed--I'm sure she'd not he missed!
- He's got her on the list--he's got her on the list;
- And he don't think she'll be missed--he's sure she won't be miss'd!
- And that Nisi Prius nuisance, who just now is rather rife,
- The Judicial humorist--I've got him on the list!
- All funny fellows, comic men, and clowns of private life--
- They'd none of 'em be missed--they'd none of 'em be missed.
- And apologetic statesmen of a compromising kind,
- Such as--What d'ye call him--Thing'em-bob, and likewise--Never-mind,
- And 'St--'st--'st--and What's-his-name, and also You-know-who--
- The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you.
- But it really doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
- For they'd none of 'em be missed--they'd none of 'em be
- You may put 'em on the list--you may put 'em on the list;
- And they'll none of 'em be missed--they'll none of 'em be missed!