If your parents take you for a picnic in the woods, take a map! (Hansel and Gretel)

You can still snag a rich husband, even if you're mousy and ineffectual, as long as you have a fabulous wardrobe (Cinderella)

Always assure aging women that they're better-looking than you are (Snow White).

Always be on a first-name basis with someone who does you a favor (Rumpelstiltskin)

100 years worth of morning breath isn't all that bad (Sleeping Beauty)

If you live in an ivory tower, make sure there's a fire escape (Rapunzel)

If the person you love runs off with a cheap bimbo, it's okay to follow them halfway around the world barefoot (The Snow Queen)

Princesses are really delicate, and probably great for finding change in the couch (The Princess and the Pea)

It's perfectly acceptable for fathers to sell their daughters into slavery to deformed perverts who live in creepy remote castles (Beauty and the Beast)

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