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This is based on a magazine contest my dad entered about 10 years ago. I remember him slaving over it for what seemed like weeks. He got an honorable mention. All other details have long since been forgotten, and unfortunately I can't ask him anymore. I called my mother up in tears one night, frustrated because I'll probably never get to see his version. Frustrated because I didn't know what had happened to any of his things. One more piece of him slips away.

I don't know how I remembered the contest; I just started playing around with the words one night. The whole poem seemed way too much to tackle, but it was fun to make up silly sentences. But the more I messed around with it, the more feasible it seemed. I decided to give it a go.

The only dictionary I had handy was the OSPD. At first it was just a resource, but soon it gave me some more structure. Because I couldn't remember the actual rules of the contest, I decided to restrict myself to words in the OSPD, so these are all fair Scrabble words.

For maximum effect, read aloud, quickly.


Twisty knight beef fork wrist mass hand doll true denounce
Knot ache reach air way steering naughty van amounts

Tea stow kings where hong pie teach hymn knee whisk hair
In hops dancing nickel lass sewn wood beet dare

That chilled render mess halt awl snuck hinder bets
Wolf fissions huff shook harp looms dense tinder reds

An mawing occur chief undying mike hap
Hedge oust saddle town fur along winners snap

Wen atone deal launder arrows hutch hack ladder
Ice praying fro may bad two sewant wall steam adder

Await toothy whim doe eye flue lie cough lash
Toro pend dish udders ant through uppers hash

Theme moan under bray stove dean hoof hall ends no
Gay veil us turf mitt tater rob checks pillow

Wean woe tomb eye wandering ice shut ape ear
Putt aim in natures lay an date tie nearing dear

We thill it tallow dry verse alive lee ankh wick
Anew en ammo men tit muss pea sent ick

Moo wrap id thaw niggles he score says fake heme
Aunty whist olden show ted uncle dim bind aim

Know day shorn ow den sear nope rents urn fix in
Honk om met tone queue ped undone nor ramble it son

Tooth heat hop off thee perch teeth he toe puff though all
Node ash oh aid ah shah weed ashore whey awl

Astray leaf sat bee forth ah while dure again flay
Whence hey meat within knob stay cull mound tooth hiss kay

Sew obtuse hee how stop thick horses theif loo
Wither slay fool oft oy zein sane tug ale as to

Anthem inert wink linger herd dawn there hoof
Deep ran sing am pawning off eat slid aloof

Acid ruin me had an woes tourney gar hound
Don thatch him niece ant tickle loss cane whiff abound

Hue as stress tall en fir fro miss hate tow hiss flew
T
ennis close swear alter gnashed weave hash ease ends hoot

Ab bun dale have tie see head flog honest pack
Any lucked lie cop ed ail urge us taupe inning he speck

Is sigh sooth ate win cull has dim pulls ow marry
Hiss chick swirl lacrosse sizes knows lie couch airy

Hissed roll lit alm moth waste run apply cab oh
An dab ear dawn knees ching ways ass widest these no

This tom puffy pie pee hell tie tennies teethe
Anti smock kit ends irk kale diss had liquor eath

Heehaw dab rod fey sand alit tail runt billy
Thud shoo queen heel aft lye cab awful love chilly

Hue waist job bean plum pear eyed jelly auld delf
An al aff twin eyesore hymen spy tough mice elf

Awe ink office hi ana twee stover said
Song ave meat tuna aye hat now think two tread

His poke nada ward between stray tweeze wark
Anvil doll this talking centered wreath age irk

On lay engulf anger ace side office snows
Ain key fang an odd upset chin ne heroes

Butter herd em ex clay mess heed roe vow dove site
May reek wrist mace tow wall unto al lag hood knight

-or-

Hop pea creas mast ooh hall undo ala god nite

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