This is based on a magazine contest my dad entered about 10 years ago. I remember him slaving over it for what seemed like weeks. He got an
honorable mention. All other details have long since been forgotten, and unfortunately I can't ask him anymore. I called my mother up in tears one night, frustrated because I'll probably never get to see his version. Frustrated because I didn't know what had happened to any of his things. One more piece of him slips away.
I don't know how I remembered the contest; I just started playing around with the words one night. The whole poem seemed way too much to tackle, but it was fun to make up silly sentences. But the more I messed around with it, the more feasible it seemed. I decided to give it a go.
The only dictionary I had handy was the OSPD. At first it was just a resource, but soon it gave me some more structure. Because I couldn't remember the actual rules of the contest, I decided to restrict myself to words in the OSPD, so these are all fair Scrabble words.
For maximum effect, read aloud, quickly.
Twisty knight beef fork wrist mass hand doll true denounce
Knot ache reach air way steering naughty van amounts
Tea stow kings where hong pie teach hymn knee whisk hair
In hops dancing nickel lass sewn wood beet dare
That chilled render mess halt awl snuck hinder bets
Wolf fissions huff shook harp looms dense tinder reds
An mawing occur chief undying mike hap
Hedge oust saddle town fur along winners snap
Wen atone deal launder arrows hutch hack ladder
Ice praying fro may bad two sewant wall steam adder
Await toothy whim doe eye flue lie cough lash
Toro pend dish udders ant through uppers hash
Theme moan under bray stove dean hoof hall ends no
Gay veil us turf mitt tater rob checks pillow
Wean woe tomb eye wandering ice shut ape ear
Putt aim in natures lay an date tie nearing dear
We thill it tallow dry verse alive lee ankh wick
Anew en ammo men tit muss pea sent ick
Moo wrap id thaw niggles he score says fake heme
Aunty whist olden show ted uncle dim bind aim
Know day shorn ow den sear nope rents urn fix in
Honk om met tone queue ped undone nor ramble it son
Tooth heat hop off thee perch teeth he toe puff though all
Node ash oh aid ah shah weed ashore whey awl
Astray leaf sat bee forth ah while dure again flay
Whence hey meat within knob stay cull mound tooth hiss kay
Sew obtuse hee how stop thick horses theif loo
Wither slay fool oft oy zein sane tug ale as to
Anthem inert wink linger herd dawn there hoof
Deep ran sing am pawning off eat slid aloof
Acid ruin me had an woes tourney gar hound
Don thatch him niece ant tickle loss cane whiff abound
Hue as stress tall en fir fro miss hate tow hiss flew
Tennis close swear alter gnashed weave hash ease ends hoot
Ab bun dale have tie see head flog honest pack
Any lucked lie cop ed ail urge us taupe inning he speck
Is sigh sooth ate win cull has dim pulls ow marry
Hiss chick swirl lacrosse sizes knows lie couch airy
Hissed roll lit alm moth waste run apply cab oh
An dab ear dawn knees ching ways ass widest these no
This tom puffy pie pee hell tie tennies teethe
Anti smock kit ends irk kale diss had liquor eath
Heehaw dab rod fey sand alit tail runt billy
Thud shoo queen heel aft lye cab awful love chilly
Hue waist job bean plum pear eyed jelly auld delf
An al aff twin eyesore hymen spy tough mice elf
Awe ink office hi ana twee stover said
Song ave meat tuna aye hat now think two tread
His poke nada ward between stray tweeze wark
Anvil doll this talking centered wreath age irk
On lay engulf anger ace side office snows
Ain key fang an odd upset chin ne heroes
Butter herd em ex clay mess heed roe vow dove site
May reek wrist mace tow wall unto al lag hood knight
-or-
Hop pea creas mast ooh hall undo ala god nite