The day was clear, the sky was bright…
Picture a boy’s paradise: A huge yard with a massive tree and no
barn with a loft, furniture, a stereo, a fridge, a fire pit, a
and all manner of projectiles to hit, hurl, launch, and kick.
The house was large and continually filled with members of the mutants
what they do best. This was 160th
, our base of
for several years, and the home of (at one time or another) dem
and Shannon Stewart
Now picture dem bones
summery day and saying “Look what I found cleaning out my
They were beautiful weapons/toys from a bygone age when people were
endanger themselves and their children at their own risk.
With grins splitting their faces almost in two, thefez
stride out into the big, beautiful yard and hurl the new/old missiles
) toward the tree.
They walk all the way out to the tree to retrieve what is sure to be
activity for the better part of the afternoon. Once out there, dem
, near the barn and some 50 yards away, calls out “Bet you
can’t hit me!” lawnjart
looks at thefez
and shouts back “no way
“Come on! you won’t hit me, I’ll move!”
look at thefez
just shrugs and lets loose with his two…
follows suit with the same result.
Walking back to where the jarts are sticking up in the yard, dem
says “I got a great idea!” Using the toe of his shoe to scratch an X
the parched yard, bones steps back and explains, “One person stands on
and the other two go out there. Whoever gets closest gets to stay
there and throw again… the loser trades places with the target!”
This game had all the appeal of bottle rocket wars
was actually a bit safer as lawnjarts
at this distance are quite
to wield with deadly accuracy, and can be easily avoided by stepping
left or right.
! You are a friggin genius!”
And so the afternoon passed away while dem bones
at one another under the summer sun and loving every
minute of it. At some point, robnotrob
decided to add a little bit more danger by launching salvos
at the poor bastard standing on the X
. A greater
As the afternoon progressed, lawnjart
was displaying a small amount
skill, enough so that it had been several rounds since he was made to
on the X
. With dem bones
on the spot, thefez
’s missiles planted
firmly in the earth a safe distance away, lawnjart
let his first shot
the round fly. The shot went wild as his throwing arm was suffering
fatigue, and landed some distance away from bones.
“You are gonna have to do a lot better than that!” shouted dem bones
With grim determination, lawnjart
heaved the second jart toward bones
it flew true as the black arrow that sought Smaug
’s soft spot. So
convincing was this murderous trajectory, that a look of panic washed
’s face as he made a terrible decision. The arc of impending
actually high, and would have sailed an uncomfortable distance above
shaven skull, but in panic, bones turned and ran away in a straight
instead of moving left or right to safety. In a geometric miracle, the
speed that bones ran brought him to the exact point of the jart’s
Time stretched to an agonizingly slow pace for lawnjart
to a stop and his hands flew up to his head at the point of impact.
flowed through lawnjart
’s mind as he envisioned the fat steel tip
first in the ropy muscle of the neck, or maybe punching through the
and into the soft, brilliant brain tissue of his friend. Time
cry of NOOOOOOOO
as he began to run, as if under an ocean of
molasses, toward his stricken comrade.
White-faced and wide-eyed, dem bones
looked into Neb
’s face while
slowly pulled his hands away from his head and asked “How bad is it?”
hands removed, the miraculous point of entry was revealed.
Clean, dead-solid perfect through dem bones
’s right earlobe.
The ear was pierced.
Bones suffered more collateral damage from the fin of the jart as it
drawn a large scratch across his shoulder.
The entire troupe went in the house after bones had removed the jart
his ear. Inside, bones cleaned his ear with whiskey while lawnjart
in front of him searching for words to express his sorrow and
“I created the game, I made the rules, there is no way I can be angry
you over this… none.”
“So I guess I won?”
That Thanksgiving at clampe
’s house, each at the table was required
what he/she was most thankful for that year. When lawnjart’s turn
“Even though I have met the most incredible woman
this year, who is
responsible for a great amount of my happiness, she is not what I am most
I am most thankful that I did not murder my good