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I've said it so many times. Has it lost its meaning? My hands trace over the keys as they have a hundred or a thousand times before. I remember how hard it was before. I remember assuming you'd think I was silly and sentimental. Assuming that's just not how things work here. I remember so much hesitation and denial, until I had to admit the words I kept thinking were obviously the truth.

And now it's so easy. I say them without thinking. Those first desperate times, when every time I said it made you giggle beautifully, I always said it because I needed to. Because it was exploding out of me. But now, not always, maybe not even often, just sometimes: it's said reflexively.

My hands trace over the keys as they have a hundred or a thousand times before.

O ;pbr upi

We laugh at the mistake, and I think of you smiling, your laugh, your giggle. Suddenly, it's not mere reflex anymore. It's bursting from me again. I shout, I scream, I fall out of my chair a little. I hope nobody heard me, and I wish you could.

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