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I could never really say these things, weakness or.. not wanting anymore hurt, perhaps. I just need to get these things out.

I tried to tell myself as you slipped away with her, and before as you tried to explain that you still love me, but you're with her now, it doesn't make sense, nothing you say makes sense or matters.

One thing you don't seem to understand is that.. as soon as you start telling the truth, the fact that there were lies comes to the surface. And your lies, they weren't innocent, they weren't to protect anyone other than yourself. Even after you decided to tell the truth, you left out things.. you let me find out from her. That.. hurt.

I've no feelings for you anymore, not love not anything because the lies wiped it all away and how true can anything be after all of the hurt and ignorance you tossed my way.

It's funny, in a sadistic sort of way, how you turn to me in your moments of weakness and not her, and I'm there, yes, I'm there.. but I didn't comfort you last time. There's a reason for that. I don't need you anymore, and I refuse to be your shoulder to cry on when you wouldn't do so much as talk to me all those times I felt so alone. I just wish I could tell you this to your face without feeling terrible about myself. I can't seem to sink so low as you..

I keep telling myself that "sometimes a lie is the best thing", and that your lying about cheating on me and leaving me for her was good, because I couldn't have handled it. Well, I could have, I would have.. and at least I would have been able to hate you then. Now I can't even do that, it's after the fact and with no feelings of love there the only thing that hurts is the fact that I lived a lie for far too long.

I'd be alright, much more so, I wouldn't even need to be writing this.. if it weren't for the fact that I have no idea if I've ever felt hands that truly loved me. You seem to find ways of hurting me, even now, when the love I had for a false you is gone. I try not to let you, but it just happens and I could still cry about these things, I probably will.

I lie to myself so that I can handle your lies. The things you've done to me.. how can you still breathe after hurting someone so badly?

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