I wore Kim's torn heart necklace until it turned green -
ST
ENDS
and when we met again after 8 years, she showed me the
BE
FRI
on her keychain. Of course my fascination with her was
long gone, scrubbed off my neck and thrown away.
In the morning Jeremy greets Daniel, one toddler solicitious and the second compliant. They sit next to each other and do not color because Jeremy says crayons are stewpid and they play with the sandbox because Daniel has discovered how to bury stuff and when I take out the banging toy, they hit each other's heads with the hammers. Of course there is at least five minutes of crying from both of them. Of course this will all happen again tomorrow, you know they love it.
Batt is eleven and has been around since she was an itty bitty thing in diapers. She is fat and persistent and annoying and even though she hates when I call her Babs, she keeps coming back for more of it. It is so easy to be cruel and at the same time generous with my time for this neighbor that I am never nice at all.
Last night H. told me about her parents splitting up, and I responded with the expected jokes, restrained myself from reaching out for a hug. We both knew the unproposed hug would not have been for her anyway.
What can I tell you about these? It is a crazy desire to heal them all, a crazy strong desire to be healed. I wish this one were as easy as a hug, or a fuck, or a joke. I wish this one were as easy as a smile or a lollipop. I wish it were possible to line 'em up and fix them all one two three.