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If I end up in some kind of textual slapfight, either in text messages, direct messages, or a similar medium I like to go back through and reread it the next day. Anger's a fast-burning thing, and usually if I stepped on my PUD, the next day or two is a good time to figure out if that's the case.

Unfortunately, when I went back to read the conversation that inspired this log, I discovered:

  • I had been very tired, it being after midnight. And a bit confused.
  • The conversation started with me talking about a mutual friend pushing my boundaries on sexual shit in a really uncomfortable way.
  • In this context, everything that came after, including the feedback that I needed to be more emotionally available, came off as even MORE skeezy and poorly said than previous.

So here I sit, day two of my break from Discord. There's a lot of people not in the servers I have shared with this guy who I usually talk to there, but I'm finding myself reviewing this, and other interactions, and wondering how much I really want to be involved there. While I've made a few friends, most of them have other contact info for me. A broad swathe of the other people I've met there, I really don't want to meet.

In retrospect, I'm not sure I miss these servers. Two days in, I'm noticing I'm a lot less stressed out and unhappy. It's an appealing idea to pass on contact info and wipe the slate clean in regards to Discord. On the other hand, it might be avoidant. On the third tentacle, if I have one more conversation like the last one, I'm not sure I care.

It takes a lot for me to write off a friendship - this guy was someone I've spent a fair amount of time around in meatspace. But in retrospect, I'm even less happy than I was before I re-read our conversation.

I'll give it another few days on the break from the servers. Can't hurt.