clue desk (thing)

From the alt.tasteless FAQ:
The Clue Desk is possibly the most frightening hunk of marble on the face of the Earth. Hewn from the living stone of the Himalayas, it was found in an ancient Tibetan Buddhist office-furniture warehouse in 1923 by the great French mountaineer Miguels de Grauguin. It is said that he stumbled out of the warehouse screeching "Les meubles, les meubles, AIEEEEE!" (trans: The furniture, the furniture, yikes!) His forehead bore the imprint of the Clue Desk, and he died soon after. The legends say that his skull was boiled clean of flesh and displayed on a spire of the monastery by the local monks. It is rumoured that the edges of the dent in Grauguin's skull glow blue-green like St. Elmo's fire on nights when the moon is full and the monks are chanting atonally.

The Clue Desk is kept in the lowest sub-basement of the Ministry of Tastelessness (or MiniGross), whence issue the cries of the damned and the brainless. The surface of the Desk is kept polished by a platoon of devoted pig men. Its ancient, darkly-veined marble surface is stained a rich, deep reddish-brown, a patina indicative of its sanguine history as a didactic instrument. There is a slight depression in the front edge of the Clue Desk, much like the worn area on an oft-trodden stone step. This is where the heads of the clueless are slammed as a warning for serious offences. Further offences require that we use the corner of the Clue Desk.