...Eric committed suicide in Alaska this past week.
WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?
Ahhhhh, I'm upset! Eric, why didn't you talk to someone? I don't understand. You were our class president. You got along well with EVERYONE. You never picked on anyone. You showed respect to all. I looked up to you. You had it all! You were always one step ahead of me throughout school, one class rank above me. I watched you in class. Learning came easy to you. You made it seem effortless. I was chasing your coat tails all four years, but you never knew. You made me a better student. I admired the hell out of you!
You didn't understand when Jeff hung himself all those years ago. Maybe you understand now? I still don't understand. I don't think I want to. How could you have let the waves of life drown you? How could you have GIVEN UP? You were one that I wanted to be like. Always. When you moved to Alaska in search of adventure, I was excited for you! You were shaking up your life, following your heart! I finally found the courage to shake up mine! Is this what I can expect if I continue on your path?
YOUR PATH SUCKS!
I've lied though. I do understand a little. When Nick died last November, I was thrown into a hell I never imagined. The grief was all consuming. Every waking moment, he was in my thoughts and I was overcome with deep sadness. Every sleeping moment, I was tormented with dreams. One day walking home, while my grief was eating me from the inside out, I stepped out in front of a car. I was hardly aware of it, only the pain in my heart. For an instant, just before I heard the horn blaring, I thought it would be a relief to stop feeling the pain that had engulfed me over the weeks. Only for an instant! It snapped me out of it. I could not be a COWARD and end my life because it would be a relief. I found the strength to go on.
I have only a brief flash of understanding for you. Forgive me Eric but I can no longer chase your coat tails.
I am angry with you for giving up. For taking the easy way out. You should have been chasing my coat tails. Maybe you would be alive now, dealing with your pain, and shifting your emotional baggage. And maybe I wouldn't have to deal with the death of yet another friend. How can I admire a quitter? I can empathize with your pain, but not with your choice of dealing with it.
You should have called, but now it's too late.
There is more courage in living than in dying
goodbye Eric,I'll never forget you but here is where our paths diverge.
Love,
Chris