I am so goddam
old. I don't know how that happened, but it did.
Sensei
once /msg'ed me that
stuff changes so much that the only stuff is change.
Yesterday I was seven years old. Today I'm forty-eight. Whaaaaaat? Oh well.
Shit happens. So now I am taking
estrogen pills because my biochemistry
is flopping like a hooked
fish on a dock.
Menopause.
The pause that
refreshes. The problem is that estrogen doesn't still the flopping and
put the fish into calm. It just makes the flopping happen in a different
rhythm. Hopefully one that will eventually be consistent. Like a
mambo
maybe. But right now, well.... Emotions burl up like
nettles in the socks
of my mind. Thoughts come and go of
paranoia, depression,
elation,
hopelessness, and
giddy nonsense. Wheeeee!
Ack!
My point? I'm not sure. I don't know why I'm noding this. Except it's true
of what I am experiencing right now and I think it has to do with this:
What kind of biochemical soup are thoughts and feelings boiling up from? I
don't take this stuff too seriously. I hope you don't either. The soup is
sometimes like this, or like that, based on whatever chemical ingredients
are arranged like this or that. As an old lady, getting older (tomorrow I'll
probably be seventy-three or something), here's a lecture you don't want
to hear.
You're eighteen and in love? Okay. But wait a minute before you do this or
say that. You're all hopped up on Mountain Dew and coffee and you are
going to tell your friend just how little you give a shit about their
problems? Wait just a minute. You haven't eaten since you've gotten out of
bed and you're driving home from work and some bastard cut you off in
traffic and you've given up on going home and are trailing their car in a
strange neighbourhood? Um. Pull over. (I did this once when I was pregnant
and all hopped up on baby chemicals.)
So stir the soup, let it settle. Serve it with care.