Perhaps if I wasn't such an introspective person, the prospect of sobriety wouldn't tax my brain so much. I could look at it in a neat cost/benefit analysis, and the equation would provide me with a blunt and simple answer. Look here buddy: no more money down the drain, no more hangovers, no more fried brain cells, no more poor decisions, and so on. However quitting drugs isn't like quitting biting your fingernails. If you allow me to generalize for a second, the most obvious and critical thing separating man from animal is the capacity for extensive thought; man is a cerebral creature therefore it seems a natural partnership, man and mind altering drugs. To this very day scientists still work tirelessly to understand the mechanics of the brain. Yes - we understand exponentially more than we use to, yet many mysteries still remain. In the same way, some of the effects of certain chemicals (say psychedelics) have taken a larger philosophical, spiritual significance to certain people. It would be impossible for someone to discount these conclusions without perfectly understanding the relationship between two incredibly complex variables. So what am I getting at here -sobriety need be more than a decision for one's physical health but spiritual health as well?
To bring you up to speed on where I am at today, I would be left writing for.. *insert shameful sigh*. And well, I don't know if that sounds fun or not. If I had a perfect memory, I could recount to you each and every experience I've had indulging, and we might be able to plug said stories into a super computer so that we could pose the age long question: was it all worth it? Instead we'll just play catch up by making that clever philosophical leap we take so often--you taking my word. And the first thing you'll have to take my word for is, I am no super computer. Nowhere in my mind did I have the capacity to look into the future of my life like it was some chess board awaiting the perfect move. Shit, even in chess sometimes there's not a perfect move--you'll have to get over it. I can remember being in class as a young whipper snapper and having a man come talk to us about his life of drug abuse. The guy had some awful stories, some funny ones, but this is what stood out: he didn't tell us to abstain. To this day, this still boggles my mind. Here's someone who has come to the very edge of ruining his life from drugs, yet he still couldn't tell us not to try smoking the infamous gateway drug. Why? Well, he might tell you better in his own words, but essentially it was because he was not me. I am not you. Different people take different paths. He knew for his own personality, drugs were no longer an option. But to jam abstinence down a kid's throat, he must have felt this could have caused more harm than good. Repression can be a dangerous force too. Interestingly enough, his current "high" he got from riding his motorcycle, something possibly way more life threatening.
To loop back around, my point here is that there are no easy answers. People can be sober for years of their lives, and in the flick of a switch, they can return (relapse) to their former selves. Similar to the story of the individual above, I have come to a place in my life where I've begun to believe that there is something innate in my own personality that does not allow for me to continue to use drugs. Right away, I'll have to stop there and break things down. "I've begun to believe." This statement implies once again, I'm not a super computer, I have no perfect conclusions. "There is something innate in my own personality." Waiiiiit, what the hell does that mean? Good question but let's think again of the motorcycle--some people want on of their free will, some people couldn't be paid to ride one. We are all different. "Does not allow for me to continue to use drugs." This is probably the most tricky. I'm making the connection between my personality and a personal plan in which I no longer use "drugs," another danger word with endless connotations. I didn't want this to turn into the philosophy of language, but perhaps this needs to be included in more recovery plans. How can one form their best intentions if they don't know what those intentions even mean?
Same as with any person, the sober individual must constantly tread murky philosophical waters. Let's say you've admitted your powerlessness over drugs but every one of your friends still drinks, some even more destructively than you previously did. What if it's not just your friends--what if the very fabric of your society is in bed with drugs such as pharmaceutical companies or a corporate office's happy hour. The odds are starting to look stacked for the other side.. What if you don't believe in continuing to live in the first place, so why not go out on party barge? Here, we've reached the ouroboros. Someone's who committed to stepping off of a 1000 ft ledge clearly can't be convinced to not have a Bud Light. This person requires immense additional psychological and spiritual counseling on top of the close guidance that will be required afterwards. What someone who's more closer to my stage of life might need is something more akin to a toolkit. Now where's my hammer?
*John goes off rummaging*