Whywait, I think you are me (well not quite but listen...)
Most of my life I have been
overweight, at school I wasn't
too fat, I still got teased though. So I started to starve myself when I was 15 and
dyed my hair bright red. I hid behind the red hair, believing that having red hair would stop people
teasing me about being fat, and I was right.
I became really
thin when I was 16, but by this time most
people at school didn't like me anyway. I was
fainting and having
blackouts a lot of the time, and it was around this time I realised that I was
losing weight for nothing. So it
piled on again. Then I decided to get my first
tattoo, I too thought it would make me look
scary. It also gave me an excuse to myself why nobody ever seemed to want to be
my boyfriend.
I left school, went to
University. I thought that people at University would be old enough not to
judge me on my looks. I was wrong of course. I ended up with loads of
male friends and not too many boyfriends. I had countless
one night stands, to make myself feel better, and hoped that one of them would turn into a boyfriend. One or two of them did, but not for long. I got three more tattoos and
countless piercings, to make me feel better about myself and to draw the attention away from my
weight problem. It worked but I was still desperately
unhappy.
If you have read my other nodes you will figure out that I left one University to go to another. Just before I went to the second one I went to a
slimming club. I was 7 stones overweight.
A year on I am still a stone overweight but I am losing that too. Men like me now, but I don't really have that
much confidence. I don't even want to go out with them because I know that had they seen me before, thay would not want to be my
significant other. I still see myself as the
fat Gillian, because nothing else has changed, I am still that Gillian and
I really hate people who couldn't see through that before.