My Deepest Apologies to A.A. Milne
The phone rings.
"Hello?" I said.
"Hey."
"Marcus. What's up?"
"You remember that thing with Violet? That crazy thirty year old chick from Enfield?"
"Uh..." I wince.
"A couple of the guys here at work are showing Gina the tape of it, right now."
"But I didn't cheat on Gina!!! We just started dating."
"No... the webcam."
"Oh wait. That was the..." cross-face chicken wing on Gina's sparkling image of me?
"Yep. Winnie-the-Pooh."
"Fuck Christ! Sweet Jesus! Stop her! Why are you caling me?! STOP HER!!!" I could hear myself in the background:
"Well, I tried to stop 'em but there's a bunch of 'em, man. No dice. Just wanted to call and warn you. How do you think she'll take it?"
"I don't know, Marcus. You're lookin' at her."
"She seems kind of conservative to be witnessing this. She's wincing now, but hey, at least you weren't caught out cheating."
"Dude! She's wearing a Winnie-the-Pooh costume and you're..."
"Shut up, man," I said.
"And you're dressed like..." He started to laugh.
"...piglet."
"Just call me after she sees the bad part. Okay Marcus?"
"Sure."
It was like I had pica. I hung up and started eating things. Gina was watching a tape of me having sex with a chick in a bear suit. What the Hell was I thinking? After a minute, my phone rang. I picked it up.
"I told you to call after the bad part..."
"What are you talking about?"
"Oh... What's up, Gina?" I said.
"Hey HONEY, wanna meet up for lunch somewhere?"
What?!?