Gob Bless You
I have my Dictionary next to me just in case.
Gosh. I didn’t think it would be this difficult hitting the right keys.
Flashing curser.
Perhaps I should go walk around the apartment to get myself together.
Maybe listen to the radio or something.
When I was a kid, my dad would wake me up to go get groceries on Saturday morning. We’d hit all the usual spots, getting fresh ground Italian Sausage, fresh kneaded pizza dough, squeezed out of a panty hose from some old Italian Lady, mozzarella cheese. A case of beer.
Some penny candy where we bought the case of beer.
.
Those were the days. Know what I mean?
These days, I’m just a guy ready to turn 35 years of age. A week from now or less. March 17th. St Patrick’s day. It has been my birthday every year of my life. It is a splendid holiday. People dress in the color green and wave four leaf clovers at one another. Everybody drinks copious amounts of Beer and Whiskey. It’s totally awesome.
Anyway, aside from my birthday and memories, a lot of other stuff has been happening in my life that is making me squeeze up inside. I’m happy all over, but terribly scared at the same time. There is a little baby I made in my wife’s inside. I saw it last month on an ultrasound machine. The pictures of the baby totally look like me.
Even though we aren’t finding out the sex of the baby, during the ultrasound when the nurse lady said,
”If you don’t want to know the sex of the baby, close your eyes.”
I peeked, but didn’t really see anything, so I think it’s a girl.
Sorry, I digress.
So I have a baby coming. Exciting news for everybody. Even for me. I’m terribly excited. I’ve waited my whole life to have a child. I love kids. I think they are Hilarious. They give me joy and ppiness and fill my soul with a special hope. But me having a kid? C’mon. You must be joking around.
I cannot tell a lie, It’s true. I have baby coming. I even went around a baby retail chain called, Babies ‘R(reverse) Us with a UPC scanner and registered for gifts. I know, I can’t believe it either. A baby? Huh?
In Babies R”(reverse) Us, I just scanned diapers and towels and stuff that I thought would sop up all the mess the baby would make. My wife just scanned real baby stuff like, a stroller and a breast pump and a funny frog bed set. I didn’t understand. I just thought little babies; ate, pooped, burped, cried, slept, and made you super happy that they were around. You also don’t sleep. I got it. What was the big hoopla all about? I mean, it’s just a baby for crissake.
Just another person. If we had any sense, we’d apologize to the poor kid for bringing it into reality. I take that last part back.
Babies make me forget about all that. They are the hope and love that I complain about what is missing in this world all the time. I sometimes dream about one of my future grandchildren finding a person in my life now. That kid and maybe one of you talk about me an discuss things I probably never even thunk.
I hope so. But in the meanwhile,