Today is a good day to finish writing all the hardest, and therefore most fun, parts of the seemingly endless list of scripts I need to have finished before the end of the year. I enjoy writing them, and now that everything is planned out better thanks to the weekly meetings throughout the summer, I have a chance to edit my work further in advance and polish everything the way I always wanted to. The movie didn't happen, but I don't really mind; it was too expensive and we needed the time to make it as good as we wanted it to be, so that's for the best.
Today is when I should be really happy that my revenue and subscribers on YouTube have exploded, but it feels a bit hollow. It didn't seem to happen for any reason, it just came out of nowhere. I shouldn't resent that, but I kind of do; why do all my greatest accomplishments occur when I'm not trying? And all the success has done is make the unsuccessful people in my life resent me and the more successful people mock me for being happy over "nothing" (even though it's better than having a part-time job at this point). Friends and family, yeah right. It's not like I spent all my time rubbing my moderate victories in people's faces; why the competition?
Today is the birthday of someone who used to be extremely dear to my heart. That's a lie, because he's never going to not be in my heart no matter how much he shouldn't be, but putting it in the past tense helps. He dug a hole in me and the hole never went away even after he left it. I just cover it with a tarp and some leaves and try to avoid stepping in it again.
Today I wish this perceptiveness people keep telling me I have actually applied to myself, so I knew what the hell I was doing half the time. I don't get myself at all. At least I have something to show for my awkward days. Even if I did understand, I would probably be worse off for it. I should be careful what I wish for.
Today is the day I start posting on Everything2 again, even though I have nothing interesting to say. Just a rambling daylog about nothing in particular. Can't forget to start every paragraph with the same word for no reason, too.
Today is a nice day. I should be spending it outside instead.