Oh, we can't leave this as a serious writeup!
11. Do not, under any
circumstances, go to
France.
12. No one really lives in
Iceland, and any attempts to get there will probably just land you in some other
cold place where they'll hope you won't notice the
difference.
13. The
French get really
indignant when you ask them why the
Maginot Line doesn't turn around.
14. As an
American tourist anywhere in
Europe, being impolitely
ignored is pretty much the
best you can hope for.
15. Speaking more loudly will not make
foreigners understand
English better, but it's really
fun to
try.
16.
Overseas McDonald's restaurants are officially
United States territory. They just don't like to tell anyone about it and insist on renaming many of the food items as a
security measure. (See:
Royale with cheese).
17. There *is* no
digital display on
Big Ben. Yes, we know, they're still in the
Dark Ages.
18.
Cars in most parts of the world come equipped with
mysterious devices known as "
stick shifts", which we believe are just
fancy parking brakes.
19. We have recently discovered a chain of
islands due
west of
California which we believe is known as
Japanese Tourist Land. They may be unrecognizable without their
cameras, though, so exercise
caution.
20. We repeat: Avoid
France at all costs.