The weekend is when people want to party!
I want to tell you about Jolene Johnson. That's right. I said Jolene Johnson. You try saying that name out loud without your voice getting a twang in it. Go ahead. You can't. You can only say Jolene Johnson like it was some kind of party time. And for Jolene Johnson, it usually was.
Girl was a bitch. I shit you not. When she first came to Camp Doya, we became friends. She was hot. She was sexy. She had some serious boobage going on. So, we became friends, but girlfriend can I tell you, she is so stuck on herself it makes me sick. It is like all she does is talk about herself and how much seriously good dick she's gotten since she turned 18. I was like, "Can you talk about something else like the Nixon pardon?" Jesus. She travels with an entourage of girls that look like they are made out of candy. So weird. So unnecessary. She set her own mother on fire TWICE to collect insurance money because she is too pretty to work. The second time she did it, the judge sentenced her to community service. Camp Doya will hire just about anyone and there is absolutely no oversight whatsoever. The things we do to these kids. Awful. Fun, but awful. Most of them leave here scarred for life.
We have this room here called The Grund. It is underground. A lot of kids go down there and never come back up. That is the "final straw" for when we absolutely tire of a kid. I understand they have equipment to skin people alive down there. I've never seen myself. The pretty girls don't get involved in all that. The librarian types are used for that kind of work. They'll never get a man anyway.
I read Modern Nest Egg Magazine. It is chock full of ideas for how to create and grow your nest egg. I recommend it if you are a youth or an adult who can't get her or his shit together. Come on. I also read Modern Nutrients Magazine which is all about how you can get the nutrients that are so vital in today's fast-paced world. Also recommended for youths and adults who just can't get their shit together. I shit you not. Good reads. Monthly publications. Digital and print. Glossy photos. Nice.
The youths of today sicken me. They are ill-prepared for the future. They are well prepared for the futon, if you know what I mean. That kind of life. These magazines, and other magazines like them, created and published by guys who work at the library, can help guide them to a more consensus-based future. And not a life of being on the futon playing video games like a chump.
I also recommend Death by Matrimony by Dale Watershed. Real page turner. Great deal of passion in the pages. Really tells a story. Pick it up. Sickmaking: The Leonard King Story by John Francis Kennedy is also a good read, if you like historical fiction.
I used to like when Captain Picard would say, "Engage." That was an interesting show. Do you nerds like Star Trek or are you into more esoteric shit like what the guys from the library watch on their laptops sometimes? Different shit. Weird ass shit. You guys like that kind of stuff?
I was down at this private area of the beach with two guys, getting it from both ends so hard it was all but tearing me in half, when the vomit alarm (someone ought to node that) went off. For those that don't know, and since it hasn't been noded, the vomit alarm is what goes off at camp when a kid throws up. It alerts all camp counselors to either come and help or stay away due to personal dislike of puke. A lot of people don't like it. I am one. Don't like guys that puke. Like guys who are strong of stomach. Ready for action.
Turns out it was this fat kid who had broken into the kitchen looking for cakes and candies. Well, you know what we do with little shits like that. We strung him up in the trees with a rope on each wrist and ankle. Hung him upseide down, forty feet in the air. Oh, how he cried. Left him there for two days. Lesson learned. We need that kind of discipline in America. Get this new generation in order, finally.
We are sexual beings. Fat people are not sexual beings. They are something else. I don't know what. Check the science. Always check the science.
And then there are gangly people. I mean, WTF? We have to corral them up and put them out of sight. No one wants to see people gangle all over the place. Jesus.
Well, I have to go to church group here at the camp. We give them religious teachings. Hopefully, that will help some of the fat kids and the gangly people we've got around here. Why can't everyone be beautiful? Ugh.