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Today I listened to a young man. He wanted to tell me what happened to him years ago. I was eating a chili cock-dog. It is like a hot dog, but with a human penis substituted for the hot dog. You never know what is in a frankfurter. We know exactly what is in a penis. It is a no-brainer. They sell these things from carts in and around the Capitol Building. Scrumptious.

This young man had a bad accident years ago. He fell down the stairs and woke up in 1922. He was used to life in 1997. He couldn't deal. The only thing around that made sense to him was baseball. He went down to the ball field. He watched the men play. He wanted to play with them. He asked. They let him. That was how he became the starting shortstop for the Yankees. Everett, this young man, went on to say that what happened was that he fell down these concrete stairs (needs to be noded). His skull hit the corner of one of these stairs with so much goddamned force that his head literally split open and his brains leaked out all over the floor. He was dead. Instead of going to the usual (suspicious) places, he ended up in 1922.

By the way, brains are like potato soup. Those brain pictures they show you? Those aren't brains. That is a mock up. A lie. Brains are like soup. Some people have more potatoes and meat in their soup. Some have nothing. Humans have no business claiming supremacy of this planet. Too many of them think the fucking planet is round. Upsetting!

This Everett kid was an absolute weirdo. He would have really fit in with the everything2 crowd at the nodermeet I went to this weekend. And yet, his story was compelling. He knew so many details. And the idea that this guy died, woke up in 1922, and became the starting shortstop for the New York Yankees is just too incredible to turn away from.

I took another bite of my cock-dog, felt that man met just tearing open under the weight of my teeth, that gooey, fleshy goodnees filling my mouth as one masticated piece after another slid down my throat, and listened to this man some more.

One night, he was in a 1922 New York hotel, and he was with this prostitute with a really hairy bush (totally unkempt and gross) and the biggest clitoris he'd ever seen. When he had it between his teeth, gently pulling at it, this thing elongated and kept elongating until, according to Everett, it had elongated for eight inches. Then it snapped back into place. Shit like that is just so eerie. I don't know. Maybe you guys hook up with chicks like that all the time.

Well, I had to go back into the Senate to vote on some things. I just had these two guys in suits pull me into a van and tell me that I have to support election fraud or they will kill my cat. I acted scared and agreed, but fuck them. I don't have a cat. Idiots.