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JOHANN


When I left my home town, Johann told me not to go.
When I returned, Johann begged me to stay away.
Both times I asked him why, but he wouldn't say then and he still won't say now. Who knows what Johann is thinking when he says such things?


I've never understood him, not really. Johann is one of principles, not standard morals, which means I feel like I should know what he's thinking and yet... He is elusive, always surprising me just when I would have bet money on his actions.

"Why do you care what they think?" he says, "Why should you care what they feel if it stops you from achieving what you want?"
"She is my friend," he says, "Why wouldn't I support her?"


Johann is willing to be miserable in order to achieve grandiose dreams. Real misery, the kind that lingers for years on end. I envy his drive and determination; he's achieved greater things than anyone else I know. I pity him and the emptiness that drives him.

"I can't think of anything worse than disappearing into history unknown," he says.

"What do you think?" he says, simultaneously being obvious he's already decided his opinion while protesting that his mind is not made up and he's still exploring all sides.


When Johann left his home town, he had a plan laid out for his life.
When Johann returned, he still had a plan, but it was not the same one.

"I need my friends," he says, "They remind me of who I still am and where I've come from."


"I know what I want," he says, and I believe that he does, but only for this moment. In another year, who knows? Not me. He'll achieve it though, him and his emptiness.