(The screen goes blue and a high-pitched keening noise starts and stops after exactly five seconds.)
(The words PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT flash on the screen.)
(A man sits behind a wooden desk. The man is in his mid-to-late-fifties, and his once-dark hair is starting to gray at the edges, though his eyebrows remain black. His jacket is a dark, almost black blue, his tie is red. There is a potted plant beside him, a large window displaying a green, sunlit field behind him, and a bookshelf stuffed full partially in view on his right.)
Anchor: Hello. We've interrupted your usual programming to bring you this public service announcement.
(His voice has the faintest hint of a southern drawl. He smiles easily at the camera.)
Anchor: It has come to our attention that certain unsavory individuals have been spreading misinformation about the nature of our dear sky. This, my friends, will not stand. So we here at SciCorp, in conjunction with NASA and the United States Government, will try and clear some things up.
First off, we would like to remind you that there are no aliens.
(He holds up his hands in mock-surrender)
I know, I know, I'm disappointed too. I'd like nothing more than to tell you all that we aren't alone in this universe, but I'm afraid all reports indicate otherwise. There are no aliens in our galaxy, much less our solar system. And this rumor going around that we're using Martian slave labor is just ridiculous. Really, people. Come on.
Secondly, it's come to our attention that some of you out there believe the stars are falling. I'd like to ease your minds and tell you all that the stars are not actually falling. Those are called "meteorites," or "meteoroids" when they're still in the air. Yes, things do occasionally fall from the sky. They're these chunks of rock and space debris that go through our atmosphere. They are not dangerous, as most times they disintegrate upon entering our atmosphere, and when they hit ground- if they hit ground- they're usually the size of chihuahua skulls. There's nothing to worry about.
Meteorites are completely harmless, and these rumors going around that literal star fragments have fallen to earth and are responsible for the Californian forest fires is nonsense. The fires are due to careless campers and smokers who don't put out their cigarette butts. Cigarettes are the real dangers here, ladies and gentlemen.
Lastly, the sky does exist. Earth is not kept inside another, bigger planet, and the sky we see is not just the underside of that hollow outer planet. Please stop firing weapons into the air in the hopes of getting the outer planet's attention.
Thank you for your time. Sorry to interrupt your show, but some things needed to be said. Y'all have a nice night now.
(Anchor smiles and nods at the camera and freezes. A voice off-screen says something.)
Anchor: We done? Good.
(He gets up, and it becomes apparent he has no legs, just a series of purple, vine-like tentacles sprouting from his waist.)
Anchor: You think they bought it?
(The screen goes blue. The high-pitched keening starts again. Both blue screen and keening stop after fifteen seconds, and the Kitchen Nightmares rerun resumes.)