Manos: the Hands of Fate (thing)

A lot of people think they know bad movies. Many people even go so far as to claim that Plan 9 From Outer Space is the worst movie of all time. These people are very mistaken. Manos, the Hands of Fate is by far the worst movie every made. Anyone who has seen it and claims otherwise has probably only seen the MST3K version which makes it somewhat watch-able.

Hal Warren was a fertilizer salesman. He had no film experience (and it shows). Yet somehow, he came up with the idea to make a movie. He recruited locals to act (I use the term loosely) in the film, and rented some camera equipment. The camera he rented only had a 30 second film capacity, so you'll notice there is no scene in the movie longer than that. Also, he had no sound equipment, all of the dialogue was recorder later in his home by himself and his wife (that's right, they do all of the voices).

The movie begins with a couple and their daughter driving. And it stays there. If you enjoy footage of corn fields shot from the window of a moving car, this is the movie for you. The first 30 minutes features just driving, with little dialogue and only a few short interruptions including a tense encounter with the local law enforcement. Eventually, they end up lost at a shack in the middle of nowhere. As it's too dark to return back (who can drive at night?!), they approach the cabin to seek shelter for the evening. There they meet Torgo, who lives in the cabin. My name is Torgo. I look after the house while the master is away. Torgo is an odd man, with what appear to be horribly deformed kneecaps. Actually though, Torgo is a Centaur but his hooved feet were hidden in the MST3K by the rows of seats.

Then, general wackiness ensues. Torgo develops a thing for the woman, but she apparently isn't into half man half beast type guys. The leading man (played by Hal Warren himself), stumbles across some sort of alter with a bunch of women falling all over the Master. We learn that the master worships the god Manos. This is where things get really weird. To make it short and sweet, there's a lot of seducing, a lot of women dancing, a lot of the Master and his robe, some sacrifices, some dead dogs, a lot of cool music, and much confusion. I'm not going to give away the dramatic ending, you'll just have to see it yourself.

The non-MST3K version can still be purchased from www.moviesunlimited.com for $19, however I caution you to get the MST3K version if you value your sanity. Yes, this movie is bad. It's worse than bad. It's the worst of the worst. Go see it today!

Note: Shortly after this film was relased, John Reynolds who played Torgo commited suicide...