Hello, friend Behr here. I would like to take a few minutes of your time to ask you take some things into consideration.

Recently, I was approached by a woman of a higher calling who inspires evil noders to become good noders. This is wonderful on its own for sure (or as the internet kiddies say "fur sores"), but it is more than that.

In my life I had the highest kill numbers of any American citizen both within the country and outside the country. I have tortured, maimed, and murdered hundreds of thousands of people since my early days as the rampaging Bear of Berlin (circa 1944-1945). I was taken in by bad sorts who influenced my thinking and made me want to hate and torture and kill and to take over people's property by taking them down in their own basement and disembowling them. I did that to thousands of families across America in the guise of a traveling saleseman for almost 50 years. If you are invited to come "hang out amongst friends" at a place called the Straight White Men's Cultural Center, say "NO, THANK YOU, BOSS!" and keep walking. Those people will warp your mind, I swear.

No more!

I think it is a given that you can find it in your hearts to forgive me for all this and allow me to take a few moments of your time to ask you to care more about your fellow human beings.

Please do. It is wrong to judge just as it is wrong to torture, maim, murder, and then masturbate while thinking about all the blood and guts later on. I got myself off six times in a half hour laughing at some woman's head on a pike in my basement because I kept the mouth moving with a string while her husband and children looked on in horror.

No more!

I think it is a given that you can forgive me for those actions, so I won't bring it up. Things are fine now. I am working on fighting climate change which is real I swear to you. And I would like to find an outlet for my art. I like to repaint Hummel figures and sell them on the streets.

My friends.