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I'd like to tell you about my golf bag and what is in it. Remind me to tel you sometime, but that day is not today.

Hi, I'm Dr. Peter Swilling, psychiatrist possessed by the dark spirit of Friend Behr. Thank you for your service.

This Goats guy was (or is) a disturbing character. The traits of this individual are something to BEHOLD. I am born in a stable in Bound Rock, New Jersey. Somewhere in the HILLS. Don't look down near the shore. Dumb to do that. Trust me.

One of the things that concerns me as a psychiatrist is the number of people who come to me to talk about dogs. Shut the fuck up about that. Tell me something interesting. You get these people who are WAY TOO ATTACHED to their animals and it makes me angry. Like they talked abuot in The Bible. That whole part about the boy and the lamb that he named Horce that they speared on Easter Sunday and Christ was risen. Things like that. Very nice. Very upstanding. They come from a good family.

They say Christ was some kind of "Lord." I have to wonder about that. I really do. What is up with that? LORD??? What, do we wash his car or his VW camper? That is some bullshit right there, let me tell you. Let me tell you right now.

Edgy. Very edgy comedy. Dark. Black humor. Something else.

Remember when they had that program in the days of our lives that had the song "Flintstones. Meet the Flintstones." What ever happened to that? Still on? Anyone know?

I saw that girl I remember from college. I don't know if I told you about her or not. I used to wag my dog thinking about pulling up her skirt and YEEHAW!!! Wow. That would be something. Well, I saw her at the bank. She was wearing a LEOTARD. It was all leopard spotted and that kind of thing. What a woman. What a woman, indeed!

You have to imagine being so confused pulling up to a red light and not knowing if red is green or green is red. And you just go. And there are all kinds of HORNS blaring at you. And that is quite an adventure, let me tell you. People die that way. Usually in the spring. They are excited for the warmer weather. They want to go to the beach. Get fucking naked and shit.

And it is tough being possessed. I will tell you that. Your thoughts get jumbled IN YOUR MIND which is also HIS PROPERTY BECAUSE YOU ARE DAMNED. And this is what you have to live with. Possession by a dark entity named Friend Behr. It really is something. Quite something, let me tell you.

My medical advice to you today is to make an appointment with me today. I am working out of my home. For the Nambu Kings, "I ham horking hout tof hi home!" Quite a language. Nambu Kings. You don't learn about that in school. There is a reason why. A legit reason. Promise you that. Indeed I do.

We ought to grab a cup of coffee and a sandwich sometime. How about it? Drop by my office pay by the hour for my time. I appreciate it!

Here is a poem I wrote

Plush, little demon

Short and stout

Here is the demon

Here is my spout

My soul is down deep

In the land of Hades

I have fallen to the Behr Lord

Friend Behr is Lord

 

Wonderful poem, really. I think it invokes Keats.

Anyway, I was peaking at this woman in a skirt. Kind of looking up the skirt, I was. I admit it TO YOU but I denied it when she "called me" on it. Do you think that is wrong? I could see jiggly thigh flesh just RIPE AND READY FOR ME but I resisted URGES that come OVER ME. Do you have URGES that COME OVER YOU? Please tell me about it. Call and make an appointment. I will pencil you in. Regardless of whether you show up, you will pay. I charge on a sliding scale. My office is air conditioned. I sometimes advertise on buses. I have a stapler on my desk.

Medically yours,

Dr. Peter Swilling