I have been (and still am) in a state of
depression .. Mostly dealing with (I will not try to differentiate causes from symptoms) low levels of self-confidence, self-esteem and activity.. high levels of
anxiety, restlessness, and.. whatever.
Well, I have (finally) come up with a plan. I will reinvent myself.. However, since I have not been able teo make many advances on a spirital or emotional level by just thinking (I have reached a point where all I am feeling is self-pity and have no idea how to make myself feel better), I will reinvent myself in the (shallow) physical way: my appearance.
Tommorrow I will be getting a check for some temp work that I did a while ago. I also have $2,500+ worth of savings that I can afford to spend a bit of. I have one class Friday morning, then nothing planned until Saturday night: a BBQ. I will bleach my hair (well, the tips) on Friday (something I used to do, but haven't done since the last tiem I cut my hair). I will finally pick out some new glasses and buy them. (I got my eyes checked for the first time in 2.5 years about 3 months ago, but didn't buy any glasses). I will spend the $100 in gift certificates for a clothing store that I have managed to accumlate. I will buy new shoes. I will buy clothes that I can feel good about wearing, instead of picking out what sucks the least out of my wardrobe.
Hopefully this will act as a catalyst for me to have an increased self-confidence. I want to be a new person. I want the people that I have drifted away from see that I have gotten my act together when I see them next. Woohoo!!
Side note: Wow. How American of me. However, I don't believe that getting excited over shopping is particulary something that should be dismissed as shallow and silly behavior. This is an attempt to heighten my appearance, something that I have not given much attention to recently. Anyway, explaining aside, SOMETHING IS BETTER THAN NOTHING. : )