Introduction (spoken)
Bert: Ok, Ernie, you ready?
Ernie: Sure am, Bert. And I've got my piano all in tune.
Bert: Good. 'Cause me and my bass are all ready to groove.
Ernie: Oh good. Then why don't you introduce the song?
Bert: Oh, ok. (clears throat) Ernie and I are going to sing a song about a girl who had a little trouble learning how to do things. And this girl's name was Lonesome Joan. Which is also the name of our song. (clears throat) Hit it.
(music begins)
Ernie: Ok, Bert ol' partner, let 'er rip!
Bert: Ok, Buckaroo Ernie! (Ahem.)
Lyrics (sung)
Bert: Let me tell you all a story
'Bout a girl named Lonesome Joan
When she was three she thought she'd try
To tie her shoe alone
Her momma said "I'll show you how"
She pushed her mom aside
"I'll do it alone!" said Lonesome Joan
And her laces stayed untied.
Chorus:
Together: Oh Lonesome Joan, Lonesome Joan
Felt she had to do everything alone, ya-hoo.
She said "I don't need no help, I can do it by myself"
Oh, Lonesome, Lonesome Joan.
Ernie: Well, she got a little older,
Thought she'd learn to read and write
Her teacher tried to help her,
Joan yelled, "Get out of my sight!"
So she never learned to write her name or even read a book,
And all alone she never learned to swim or skate or count or cook.
Chorus:
Together: Oh Lonesome Joan, Lonesome Joan
Felt she had to do everything alone.
She said "I don't need no help, I can do it by myself"
Oh, Lonesome, Lonesome Joan.
Bert: (spoken) Here I go!
Sung: Well, time went by, and Joan grew old, as people sometimes will
When Joan was 81 years old, she met a girl named Lil.
Lil said, "Joan, it's just ridiculous, the things that you can't do.
Joan, you're an 80-year-old woman.
Time you learned to tie your shoe!
Chorus:
Together: Oh, Lonesome Joan, Lonesome Joan,
You don't have to do everything alone.
You can use a little help
Don't have to do it by yourself
Oh Lonesome, Lonesome Joan.
Bert: (spoken) Go Ernie!
Ernie: So, Lil taught Joan to read and write and tie her shoe and more
And Joan lived to the happy age of a hundred and forty-four
Bert:(spoken) Wow!
So be sure you learn a lesson from that old gal, Lonesome Joan
When you're trying for the first time, you don't have to try alone.
Chorus:
Together: Oh, Lonesome Joan, Lonesome Joan,
You don't have to do everything alone.
You can use a little help
Don't have to do it by yourself
Oh Lonesome, Lonesome Joan.
Bert: (spoken) Yippee-ky-eye, pardners!