I found out that I lost my Angel today. She's gone.
I have her no more, she is lost. I promised myself
that I wouldn't cry, that I wouldn't let this hurt me
as much as I knew it would, and I was wrong. It hurts
as much as when I first found out this was happening,
it's the most painful thing I've experienced.
But I do not blame her, or Byron, or anyone for it.
It happened, and well, there was little I could do to
stop it, and had I, it would have caused more harm
than good. And she wouldn't have wanted it.
She was that kind of person. She loved everyone.
Sure, she got angry. She did rash things, but don't
we all? In the end, she wanted everyone to be happy,
because when people are happy, good things happen.
That's who she was.
I want to remember the times that we had together.
I want to cherish them as if they were solid gold
heirlooms passed down since the late sixteen hundreds.
I want to hold them like I wished I could have held
her when she hurt, the way she could have held me
when I was hurting.
She had a certain way of speaking. You could almost
feel her cheer, her enthusiasm for life, for love,
just by talking to her. Even when she was ranting
and raving, I could see that she ment it as a way to
maybe bring who she was ranting about some love, some
joy. Not many people could say the same thing of
others, but I can.
She was the most beautiful person I've ever met, and
that's why I fell in love with her. I don't know why
she fell in love with me. In some ways, I may not
have been worthy. I am not physically attractive at
all. But that wasn't Lenore's bag. She didn't give
a shit about stuff like that. She loved me, I think,
for who I was, what I was. My heart.
The one thing she left me with was a promise. A
promise she had me make, which I aim to keep until I
die, and long after, beliefs permitting. She had me
promise that my heart would never grow cold, to never
lose it's spark of love. If there is one thing I can
do for her, that is it. To keep that promise.
Lenore Dazen Aulorna Stovall was the first person I
ever loved. The first person who ever loved me. And
she will always, always be that person. She will
always be that buxom blonde, with a sharp wit, who
knew the value of a good cuddle when someone needed
it. Who knew how to calm a heart with a word, and a
touch. Who knew how to give love, better than anyone
I'd ever known.
I miss her. But somehow, I know she's still out
there. She told me herself that she may be elsewhere
on this orb in this life. And I aim to find her.
You hear that Lenore? I'll find you!