8:43pm
I am depressed today. Today I feel like I'm back to the old, unspecial me. I am not special; I am not a beautiful and unique snowflake. I am nothing to somebody; I am something to nobody. I thought I could leave this place forever. Welcome back, my mind tells me.
I got to work at 11am, and I left early at about 4pm. I didn't do anything important today. I listened to music to try to cheer me up, but it was useless. My friends tried to cheer me up, but it was a futile effort as well. Nobody seemed really interested in talking with me; not that I felt good about talking about it anyway.
I went home early and went to sleep. I couldn't stand being around other people today. These other people all seem to have people who really care about them. Why am I so odd?
I never get email from friends without initiating the conversation. The only unsolicited email I get is spam.
I got an email back from Sara. She simply wrote back the minimum requirement for not being rude. She basically echoed my email to her. What did I do wrong? Things were developing between us, and then bam, back to nothing. I was so happy the day that TC told me she was excited that I asked her out. Finally, I assumed, there was someone who made me feel special AND who I was special to. But that seems to have fallen through. I am so tired of experiencing unrequited love.
I wish there were someone who I could just pay money to, to tell me what the fuck is wrong with me, in clear plain english; someone who can help me get myself straighened out and be as interesting and accepted as everyone else.
1:43am
After talking with some people on IRC and stuff, I feel better now. I'm going to try to open up a regular channel of communication with her and build it up to the point where I can just ask her how she feels. Then there will be no room to sit around and wonder. Either her response will be good news and everything will be great, or it will be over and I won't have to wonder about it anymore.